365 Days of Fibromyalgia

RELAXING

RELAXING

January 4, 2014-

I’m going to take the weekend to rest then get back on it Monday morning. I have to listen to my body because it’s making me cry right now, so I hear it loud and clear. WEEKEND=RELAX.

On another note I have a fibromyalgia page on facebook that I created to have somewhere to talk about how I feel, to just vent and of course promote awareness. I posted something on there that someone thought I was insinuating that people who take medication are weak, and that is not what I was saying at all, really I said nothing about anyone but myself and how I feel about me personally. Here is the post:

My Answer For Many: I have never been the type to run to a doctor for every little pain. I pay close attention & know my body well enough, I know when I need to go.
No doctor No Heath insurance right now And whenever that time comes I will let a doctor know it all, and I will probably still be where I am and still figuring this out on my own trying to figure out what works best for me. You have to work harder and smarter when you don’t have any money, and I won’t get filled up with drugs, I’m not interested in being a “lab rat” I’m pretty sure after much rest I will be what I call “better” for me. This hasn’t stopped me just slowed me down a bit. And this is all apart of the fibromyalgia journey, this is nothing new for me, I’ve been in a lot worst pain before & yet I’m still here & still going. Don’t confuse my talking about my pain; with giving up or I’m dying. I talk about my pain to let people know ITS REAL IM HUMAN THIS IS HOW STRONG I AM and could just anyone feel the pain we feel everyday and still be able to go on? For most probably not. ITS A BATTLE AND IM AT WAR. At times I feel indestructible. I’m here because God still wants me to be. #GodGotMe with him I can make it through all things.

The reply to this from this random person was, I wonder if you hand health insurance what would you be saying then, you’re saying this because you have no other choice.

My response to this was:
I’m not saying that and if that’s how it comes off excuse me. It works for some people and it’s just not for me. Trust and believe I know it first hand  I’ve watched my mom take meds all my life, and she still does. She says without her meds for major depression she wouldn’t be able to cope. I’ve seen first hand the good & bad. I’ve seen meds do wonders and I’ve seen meds take or almost take a life. It’s my own possible choice. Not saying that I will never take anything, I’m just not willing to take any and everything. And if you read the beginning of my statement again, you will see that I have nothing because I have no insurance to be able to afford a doctor, therefore I have no doctor. Running to to the ER means bill after bill. My mom tells me all the time go to the doctor, you need to take medication, I was diagnosed with depression maybe around age 10 then all with that came anxiety. When I was younger my mom tried to commit suicide twice from overdosing on her meds. By the grace of God she is still with me and she is good. But I AM NOT CALLING ANYONE WEAK. I SPEAK OF THE ONES WHO DON’T HAVE FIBRO YET SEEM TO KNOW ALL THE ANWERS AND HAVE ALL THE ADVICE, UNLESS YOU FEEL THIS SHIT; TO ME I THINK I AM STRONGER. my husband wouldn’t be able to last an hour if he felt the pain inside me. LOOK I AM VERY SORRY IF YOU TOOK WHAT I SAID THE WRONG WAY, IT’S SAID AND DONE. I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT PEOPLE WHO TAKE MEDS.

Let me make it very clear. To everyone who takes medication for Fibromyalgia or anything else, I am happy and so glad you found something or anything that works for you to keep you going. My choices are my choices and we all handle and deal with this pain differently. THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG WAY. I was diagnosed with depression early in my life around age 10 or earlier. And didn’t find out anything about fibromyalgia until dec.2008. My depression will not allow me to have strong meds in my home, I’m too afraid I may over dose. Plus I’m very sensitive to side effects and 9 times out of 10 they make me worst and feel sick. I already feel bad as it is. I made it to age 29 because of God no matter what I take or don’t take it’s all because of him.

This person response was: Well if you want to make things harder for yourself that is your choice, but if you broke a limb you would get it fixed wouldn’t you? Depression and Fibro can both be managed easier with medication and if it was offered and you refused it before trying I that a just silly.

My Reply to that:
I don’t want to take something to manage it I want something to fix it. There are many other ways to manage. And I’m managing to work through my pain everyday, every time I feel it just reminds me how much harder I need to push myself. It’s my own battle and I’m going to win the war. Now if I broken something that is much different to me than dealing with something that deep within my body. Bone and muscle is two totally different things. If I’m strong enough to deal with something then why not be strong and deal with it. I don’t think I’m making it harder for myself with my choices. I just know the power of God. I won’t depend on drugs, I refuse to depend on meds the rest of my life. If it takes moving slower or takes me resting a little not longer to keep going so be it. I CANT BELIEVE SOMEONE REALLY CAME AT ME ABOUT THIS. like I said I’m still here and still kicking, I will over come and prove healing can be done in more than one way.
You know this really got up under my skin because this is a serious deep issue for me.
I know I don’t owe that person or anyone an explanation for the reason of my choices but I feel the need to be as clear as possible because I do nothing just because, I never fell some way just because. Like I said before Thai as been a journey for me since childhood. Before I even knew the word or could speak I watched my mother deal with major depression. As a young child standing over your mom trying to get her to speak to you and her eyes rolling back in her head, that changed my life and I knew I never wanted to feel that or be in that same state of mind. Still I grew in depression and is came apart of me, it was me to the point I just felt that was my character, this is just how I am. The older I got the more I was trying to fight it. Many other things happened in my life early that was hard for me to handle and I did my best to cope. And I did try and take medication many times, I didn’t like how it made me feel. Didn’t matter the dose, and I didn’t want to like this pill or pills define who I was as a person. I knew I could over come it, it’s been tough but I’m still here. Now yes I will and would take medication to heal other things wrong with me. I have before because it was really life or death for me. I had something which is hard for me to even say to this day but a STD, I got a fever over 104-105 and I beer get fevers so I knew something was wrong, along with things happening to my skin. When you are told that you are lucky that you even have side effects and that you didn’t ignore them, because they just saved your life. If I had not gone in to doctor, I would have had something eating away at my insides, and I would’ve been dead. Now that is when I was willing to take any and everything, please give me whatever that is going to take this out.
But with fibromyalgia, I AM NOT DYING FROM IT. I AM STILL MOVING, you can be healthy and still feel pain. If I’m strong enough to deal with a ache here and there or even all over, if I can tolerate the pain then why take something that’s not going to take the pain away, it’s still going to be there. I feel like that’s like telling a alcoholic to stop drinking because you know your problems will still be there tomorrow. So why tell me to take something that will only lead me to take more and more. That’s alright I have had my share of all that, I’m waiting for a “magic pill” that will fix it all.

Now back to my weekend relaxation. God bless everyone.

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