January 23, 2014
Used To Do
I use to wake up everyday focused on my pain, because that is all I could feel from yesterday and all the night, that is all that had been n my mind as it seemed. When I woke unrested and still feeling like I worked 24 hours or maybe more like 48, with no rest. I would get to go to the bathroom and with every step I complained in my head about how my ankle ached an my back is sore and so on and so forth. I was ready to boast about my pain because I didn’t want to be the only one feeling like this, I knew I couldn’t be. But now that I’ve changed my negative thoughts into positive ones I feel a little better each day, along with letting myself miss a show on television or miss anything else and just go to bed and sleep. The rest feels wonderful and my body actually wakes up on its own again without force, and I know what mornings look like again instead of late afternoons or evenings. They are peaceful, calm and refreshing.
I used to write all day long about any and everything, but along the way I lost my way and began trying to do bigger and better things, like what I was doing wasn’t good enough. I am back to writing for me and writing to move people, not just tell them a story, but give them a message. I had to try and get back to my old self a bit to find that passion I once had, because I had lost it with the pain. The pain had caused me to turn on myself and everything that I love. I am getting back to what I loved most about me, turning my weakness into a strength.
I truly want to inspire and give people hope that are down and haven’t found a way to get through their days. I want to be here for anyone who needs a shoulder to cry on. I understand and I still have bad, tough even horrible days but I’m able to turn them around a little bit quicker now than before.
I used to not love myself that much, now I am in love with myself. I don’t look at my pain as a fault, I see it as a message, lesson, awareness to be told. God gives his toughness jobs to his strongest children.