February 28, 2014
Full of Doubt
These days I seem to be full of nothing but doubt and it annoys me and upsets me, to the point I don’t want to do much of anything or go anywhere.
I woke up this morning with doubts about the day, just because of the temperature, it’s was chilly. (A little cold.) right side of my nose stopped up and sore throat. What kind of day will I have, if it starts like this. Doubts, doubts right from the start, but it’s not always like this, but most days are.
The movie Son of God came out today, and nothin was going to stop me from going to see it. Went today and saw it, loved it and to know the story plus to see it played out in front of you is powerful. I needed that, even though we all know the story, it was refreshing. I came to tears, crying because it’s how we as people still are today. I cried because I want Jesus to appear to me, but I do believe and I need to believe in myself, stop doubting and losing faith. My body may become weak, but as long as I keep my spirit strong I can keep on.
It’s going to be very hard to never have doubt or lose my faith, but I know one thing I will never lose is my trust and love for God. I want to wake up everyday with Gods will, with him knowing I can, and not being fearful of what’s going to hurt on my body today. God can heal all, if that is in his plan for you. If death is not connected to this illness, then I must believe I can be healed from it. I must find my strength and put in my work in order for God to see I’ve learned.
I can not lose focus again, I must it (ye of little faith) can I find it within my self to start back working out everyday, an feel that joy, that uncontrollable happiness, my smile come upon my face without force. I want to be ready again, I want to start again. I NEED TO FOR I KNOW NOT HOW MANY CHANCES I MAY HAVE.