365 Days of Fibromyalgia

March 12, 2014

Seeing The Bigger Picture

I’ve lived my life the way I want, the way I’ve had to, and how I’ve had too. I thought I had it all figured out until fibromyalgia came into my life and I began to question everything all over again.

The one thing that I thought would never change for me was writing, I had figured out in my early twenties that I wanted to become a author or anything dealing with writing. I would wake up from my sleep to write down a thought, stay up for hours just writing. Started with poetry at the age of twenty, then moved on to short stories, then I’ve been trying my hand at novel writing.

After five years of fibromyalgia it made my years of depression worst and my anxiety. But my thinking process had not been working, it’s slowed down, to the point it scares me. I fear my brain isn’t working anymore and it’s only going to get worst. I’ve published some ebooks but not to the standard I would like. What’s been called “brain fog” has been bad and my writing takes forever now. I can’t figure out how to spell words, and I think of a word and write something different. I let bad reviews get be down, talks of being confused when reading my work, I thought about quitting. But if I quit then what? I went back to blogging but money wise, that’s nothing.

I’ve been trying to keep working at my books, I’m trying to finish one now, hopefully I will be done with it sometime in a few months, well sometime this year.

I’m starting to see the bigger picture, I’ve been putting my focus more on God and it’s helping a lot. My faith had grew and I’ve grown as a person, as a woman, I feel wiser. But trust I am still a working process and I seem to have to start over everyday and every day I have to boost myself back up. [Be My Own Cheerleader.]

I’m not pushing to be the best, or to beat anyone, in pushing to be better than I was yesterday and find where I fit in at, and how whatever I do in my life can have a true purpose. I used to say I want to be a author like this person and that person, but now I know I can only be like Me and my success may be totally different from someone else’s. And the main difference is… I’m not trying to become rich, I just want to live, do something that makes me happy.

See the bigger picture, things could be so much worse. Find your Blessings Through The Pain.

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