March 27, 2014
I said I would go to a funeral Saturday, I didn’t plan on going but my mom said that our abut asked to see me because it’s been a long time. I stay a good distance away, so I may have to spend the night away from home. Thinking about it is causing me to be grumpy and very irritable because I don’t what to go.
It’s out of my comfort zone and I fear my Fibro will start to flare, because I won’t be able to be on my normal routine, and rest like I’m used to doing. I really dislike this but I feel I will regret or never hear the end of it, if I don’t go. My family already feel some type of way about me not coming around anymore. But truth be told I wouldn’t know my family if my mother had not took me around them to visit, they weren’t coming to our home to see me. I don’t like situations like this, I’m stressing myself out. Maybe if I turn off my phone and disappear [not answer it] my mom would be disappointed maybe a little upset but I would be at home relaxed.
I will admit I’m scared of fibromyalgia, it makes me afraid of doing a lot I things, because I don’t want to feel sick and ache, hurt all over. People just don’t get or understand. And I so hate when people who understand but just because they are doing it, they want you to do it with them. But I am grown, I don’t have to do what other people tell me to do anymore. And lately I will I have no feeling, been just heartless about some things. I’m not feeling any sadness over this, and I haven’t shown my face in a long time, I kind of don’t want to do it at a funeral.
Fibro is a mean evil thing and it wants to keep me shut in, closed up in a box. It’s enough to deal with everyday, I don’t want to deal with anything else.
Do you have Fibro fear?
Does it scare you?
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
“1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”