April 1, 2014
Can’t Hide Pain
When you have a invisible illness like fibromyalgia, you tend not to look sick. And of course you don’t want that, but people don’t believe you’re sick unless you look it.
Not wanting to feel like a hopeless case, we may just do all we can and push ourselves until we can’t take it anymore. Trying not to push ourselves too much is something tough not to do. What’s even tougher is to hide the pain from our face, which for some things read all over their face. They wear their emotions on there sleeve so to speak.
I’ve reached my breaking point of not being able to hide my pain very well anymore. It has began to over flow and the ones that love me are seeing it. The questions come like, “What’s going on with you? You’ve been so down lately. What’s wrong? Are you okay? Questions that don’t have an easy answer to them, or do they. The easy quick answers are, it’s my fibromyalgia, just don’t feel well, just need some rest. And the list goes on…
My friend asked me, what’s going on with you, I feel you’ve been down. All I could say is “I don’t know, just a lot on my mind and no where for my thoughts to go, I’m feeling all kind of ways.” My friend said, “I want you to be happy, and smile that smile of yours.” I so badly wanted to smile at that, it was very sweet but I felt all smiled out.
My mom called me this morning from having a nightmare about me, she asked, “Are you okay?” Waking from my sleep I answered yeah. I let her know that I had a tough night before and I was sad and cried some, but I’m alright. My mom said in her dream I was on drugs, and a whole lot of crazy stuff. She asked me if I felt like killing myself, I reassured her I hadn’t and I don’t even have that in my heart to do so.
When people start to see through you and your mask begins to slip off, you can’t hide anymore.
You have like two choices, get yourself together and find your smile again, or give completely up. Never let people feel sorry for you, you are not dead. Yes there will be times if sadness and those times may last days to weeks or may come and go during the day. Just be yourself, have your moment and don’t worry about others understanding what’s wrong, just don’t give up and show them that you haven’t lost yourself and you and your smile will return.