April 10, 2014
The Ugly Side
Warning: the pain has me in a very grumpy mood…
Many with pain may snap at times or many times they hide all of these emotions of anger from the people they love, or co-workers etc… They keep those types of feelings to their self. When alone they may sit and cry and hate the person that pain has turned them into.
As much as I try and be in a smiley happy mood the pain creeps up on me and when it reaches a point of no return, my blood starts to boil and I want to explode.
Today I want to share what I feel on this day of annoying pain. I am going to be very real and expressive so excuse any harsh language I may use.
This morning I was still kind of sleepy, so I told my husband this, he was waiting for me to get up to go grocery shopping which I dislike doing so very much. I’m still in bed, he decides he is going to the ATM to get cash out to pay for when we go to the store. Then he comes back in saying that birds had pooped all over the car, he was going to also go by a car wash. Whatever I was just ready for him to leave, my stomach was killing me and I was in the bathroom trying to take care of some business if you know what I mean.
Taking my time, I finally got dressed and take note it’s also that time of the month so I had to find something comfortable but look half way decent. I finish watching a movie I started last night, I was cold so I walked outside to the mailbox. Came back in text my husband a few times, no reply. Watched television and the pain started to creep up more and more. I called my husband and I’m getting no answer. Now not only is the pain creeping but my temper is as well. I took my time and now I’m up fully dressed, which I don’t do at home if I’m not going anywhere, it’s so uncomfortable. I’m ready to go get this over with.
So I feel it; that moment that I’m going to explode and I call one more time, and again the voicemail. I say, “I took my time and I’ve gotten dressed, walked to the mailbox, finish the movie I started last night. You should’ve been back by now, you’re not answering your phone or replying to my text messages. I’ve very upset and getting frustrated. I could’ve stayed in bed. I am so going back to bed. And don’t get here trying to rush me whatever.”
Truthfully I totally wanted to cuss but I held it back. I really want to break shit, rip stuff apart or beat something or someone into a bloody pulp. See that’s what the pain does to me sometimes, makes me evil and full of anger, then times I’m like a innocent child, who just needs I be loved and held and told it will be alright. But today right now I don’t know what nice or sweet means.
AT FIRST I’M SOUR, THEN I’M SWEET