We are WildFlowers

Insecure

May 10, 2014

Insecure
Above all, be careful what you think because your thoughts control your life. (Proverbs 4:23 ERV)

I think I’ve been insecure about everything all my life. I’ve had anxiety issues as well, it showed when I went to a sleep over and I woke up crying and screaming, it was so embarrassing. And amount other things, even now as a married woman I’m very insecure and I’m not going to put all the blame on my husband, but he doesn’t always help me to feel better, what can I say we’ve had our problems. Over all it’s me though, I think he going to leave me because my body (weight), hair isn’t good enough.
I’m insecure because I can’t hold down a job for very long and now I haven’t worked in like six years, I depend on my husband. I hate watching him work so hard to provide for the both of us. I’ve applied to jobs but, have gotten no where with that. I can’t make them call and give me a interview. I feel as though I used up all my chances, because I used to be able to get a call within a week and get hired on the spot at the interview, now it’s nothing. And let’s not forget that I don’t even know how many hours I can actually pull off now, because of all my symptoms from fibromyalgia.

There is a mental battle going on in my head non-stop all the time. Up and down, negative to positive. Trying to stay confident, positive and worry free is easier said than done. Sometimes it seems like love isn’t enough and things are going to always be hard.

I’ve been trying to keep hope and believe and keep praying. When I think it’s becoming easier it becomes hard again and I have to keep reprograming my thoughts, telling myself everything is alright.

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