June 24, 2014
My reality everyday when I wake up; is that I’m in and with this pain alone.
No matter how many people I connect with across the world-wide web; still there is no one here with me as a friend that is going through what I am. Or even what I’ve been through my whole entire life.
My reality is; I have people that love me, but part of me wants to push then away; while my heart wants them close.
This pain is evil.
My reality is; this pain makes me worst, or it makes me better. Better has a person because I can understand what others are going through and I don’t judge. Makes me worse because the pain can make me not care at all.
I just cried myself back to sleep this morning, because I was thinking about stairs. I will be moving to stay in a house with upstairs and I think of the pain I’ve had with my legs with no stairs; how will it be with them. My legs ache and hurt with just walking and there’s the issue with my knee. My husband said well think of it as exercise; I say, “of course someone like you who doesn’t have my condition will say that.”
It’s for sure good exercise but it’s also painful to my joints.
My reality is; it takes a lot to get up out of bed in the morning or afternoon [depends] and not go back to bed.
My reality hurts and it’s painful; I enjoy my dream world. I am thankful of my life and all but I know it could’ve been so much better.
And I know that I can make it better, and I’m trying wry hard to.
My reality; I don’t want to face it sometimes.