We are WildFlowers

Misunderstood Changes

August 18, 2014


I will never understand how I can go from being so energetic, to barely being able to walk. I never know how long it will last; days, weeks. Starting yesterday, maybe a little before then, I’ve started to feel very low; sick even.

I’m so tired to the point, when I get up, I ask myself, “Why did I get up?” I do things around the house, I do things that need to be done. But when it comes to certain things I be unsure, I already went out am didn’t want to for my nephew birthday, but I had to see him. Now today there’s a get together for my grandmother, and you know I would never hear the end of that if I don’t go. But I already have something planned for tomorrow; eat in the morning. Getting anxiety just thinking about how tired I’m going to be, and there’s no telling what my body is going to do. My hands already have been giving me trouble.

It’s so frustrating because my family doesn’t know, doesn’t understand, knows but feel if they can do it I should be able to, or they think I’m being lazy and just don’t want to do shit.

Right now my neck on left side is bothering me, my right arm is aching, I have a deep paper-cut on my right middle finger, my jaws ache, feet cramping, body feels heavy. I can’t get comfortable. [very sleepy] just can’t fall asleep.

7:33am and I am still not ready for the day to begin, I feel just the same as late last night and from early this morning; maybe even worst. [want to just sleep] [cant do anything]

I decide to just call my grandmother and wish her a happy birthday and she seemed very happy and pleased. I just didn’t want to go an end up falling asleep, or having to try and hide my pain; pretending I’m ok.

My husband is sick [stopped up] and I’m going back and forth to the bathroom [stomach upset] I have to try and fall asleep tonight, I have to wake up very early in the morning.

It’s just one of those days; more like one of those weeks.




Comments on: "Misunderstood Changes" (1)

  1. This is sooo totally relatable. I had to pack up a house. Now peep wonder why I can’t get anything done. I had meds stashed I was taking & God was carrying me. I am out of the stash of pain pills & I feel like everything is such a freakin’ effort.

    ‘SPOONS’… I haven’t had any around me in a long, long time…


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