I think it was Saturday I can’t remember, I went in Walmart to buy two items and decided to sit at the blood pressure machine to test myself and I was feeling pretty good actually, at least on the outside I guess, because the results were terrible. I don’t remember for sure the bottom number but the too for sure was 206 and I can’t get that number out my head. It may have been 206/197 maybe, that really changed my mood a bit. And I was like I need to rest and chill out and I need to work on my ways of reliving stress and I seriously need to learn how to block out what people say to me about myself [all the negative crap] I’m still a little hurt about some things that were said in a discussion in the week just ended, also I found out some news that was not good. So overall I been a tired, emotional, stressed, angry, depressed person for days. I’m trying to let on like I’m okay but if someone comes at me and going to let them have it. I’m doing my best to just keep my feelings to myself, do when I’m asked what’s wrong all I’m saying is, “nothing just thinking about stuff.”
I am so on edge and kind of snapping.
I really dislike when people tell you things out I anger and then you’re left wondering if that’s how they really feel, then why come they never said anything before. And why come they’re still wanting to talk to me, still asking me to do things for them, etc…
I’m confused, why would I still want to talk to you and be around you after all you said to me.
I’m frustrated, you know my condition but yet you tell me I’m lazy, then you turn around and tell me to just rest. I know I shouldn’t wish this upon myself but I sometimes want something to happen to me that will make them really see that what in dealing with is real.
You know I have high blood pressure and I have no insurance, no doctor and no money, meaning I have no meds to take, yet you keep telling me I need to do this and that. I know what I need and one thing I don’t need is people pointing out to me the things I am not doing.
And it’s cloudily today and raining off and on all day, I feel sluggish and sick. I have no appetite and I’m tired of drinking fluids, so my stomach is empty right now and I feel I want to throw up.
I’m so tired