My anxiety is tripping today, I feel like I’m suffocating. I’m even hyperventilating and going in and out of sleeping.
I had to step outside and sit on the porch, it’s a rainy cold day but it helped me feel some relief. It’s been good while since I’ve felt like this, I sure hope this isn’t a sign for days to come, because at one point maybe the beginning of tho year I was even having panic attacks while trying to sleep.
I must admit that my anxiety might be causing me to suffer because I’ve been stressing about the holidays. My mom wants me to go to a family thanksgiving gathering which is more like a family reunion, it’s way too overwhelming for me. I’ve went every day with seeing those people and one day will not make any difference. And it goes it Christmas also, I want to stay home. I don’t want to go eat food or see everyone faces. And if I do end up going, I’m going to be ready to leave soon.
Why go when I will become uncomfortable, tired/sleepy, irritated etc… Now don’t get me wrong I can laugh, smile and enjoy myself but after awhile it becomes hard to keep going. When I get tired and the pain comes it reads on my face and I try to hide it, (I think most of us do) that moment you get a frown on your face and everyone starts asking if you’re okay, and you have to start lying, “yes I’m ok.” Knowing that really you want to rip your clothes off, be in your bed, or just being at home period because it’s the “safe zone”
I really hate when I feel this way, just sick but not sick. Don’t know if I look sick, of course no fever or anything. If I tell someone how I feel they probably think I’m crazy, losing my mind, I feel that I am.
If having a hard time breathing wasn’t good enough, I have gas in my chest and back.
My bowels boiled, and rested not: the days of affliction prevented me. (Job 30:27 KJV)