We are WildFlowers

Shutting Down

Getting up out of bed at times is a huge struggle, when my body has stiffen up. I have to find all the strength and willpower to lift myself.

It’s now become a new thing, for this pain in my lower back/buttocks area on my right side to ache. It’s been a long time now, at first I thought it was pain from my menstrual cycle, but it continued. At times it felt like gas, then felt like a cramp that I just can’t seem to work-out. As I walked I hear popping, guessing it’s my joints. I’m coming un-stiff and that feels kind of good, but this one spot on my right side, does nothing but ache.
Now throughout the day, sometimes this pain will magically disappear and I feel good, body is loose and I feel free. I never know how long it will last, then I may sit, lay or stand for too long and I feel it strong.
Another thing every seat, or bed in this house seems to be too low or too high for me. Even the toilet seat, it’s new and it’s higher. For some reason my body doesn’t like it that much, in the morning I may feel ok, but after using the bathroom the pain shows up. I feel I’m becoming aged day by day. I need handles, need that cushion toilet seat, need pillows behind my back for support, etc… I need more hours in the day.

I feel I’m getting into shut down mode, when this happens I can’t think clearly, can’t focus on things, get irritated very easily, want to be left alone, need peace and quiet and sleep.



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