365 Days of Fibromyalgia

My Character

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Is my illness just a mere reflection of who I really am? 

I came out the womb as a fighter, but never knew what the world would do, when it got ahold of me. 

Even as a young girl I was selective about people, about where I wanted to be and go. 

Around about 2nd or 3rd grade, I got invited to a sleep over. That’s when I had my very first panic attack, it was embarrassing. I was ok, nothing happening, we were just sleeping. I woke up crying and screaming. All the other little girls gathered around me, helped me to go to the mother of the girl who invited me, and all I wanted to do was to go home. 

Depression was slowly coming along , if it wasn’t already there to begin with. Everything else that happened in my childhood… I was on a downward spiral. 

When I think of my life, I think fibromyalgia was always in me, slowly growing worst by the years and things happening. Through out my life, it caused it to really show it’s ugly sides. 
I know my story is different than most, some say there life was so great before pain came into their lives, but for me pain is all I remember. In the first grade I was already dealing with my cycle(period)=painful and it never got better, I never grew into the pain nor did I ever get used to it. 

I was born September 24,1984 and my zodiac sign is libra… 
A Female Libra
Another thing that you absolutely need to know about these women is the alternating manic-depressive streaks in them. When in the manic mode, she will work continuously without a break. She will clean, wash, mop, dust, broom, sew, correspond, cook, iron when at home, and then churn out one brilliant project/idea when in office. Her tenacity to complete all tasks – her own or someone else’s – will scare a regular observer. Her energy levels will astound everyone around her. This stage can usually be noted when something is deeply troubling the female scale-bearer. There is some knot she cannot untangle mentally, some dilemma there seems to be no way out of. Her mental anxiety then manifests physically, and she needs to keep her hands continuously moving in order to keep from going insane. The moment she puts her finger on the solution, she calms down, slows her pace, completes the leftover tasks nevertheless, and collapses on the bed for a deep and tranquil hibernation period. She won’t move a muscle when she is resting. This is her rejuvenation period, and nothing can stir her until her mental faculties are good to go again.

Now there are great qualities about my personality, like being a social-butterfly. But being social, I never liked being, it had always made me tired. 

Today I realize that I have always just been existing in my life, and now that I want to really live it… I can’t because it makes me even more tired than just existing.

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