I begin to move and there’s a heaviest I feel on my chest, so I move on my side. The same I feel in my left foot, a stiff, achy, cramp feeling the more I move it. Having a tough time breathing, it becomes deep and rapid. I reach for my iPhone to check the time, it’s five o’clock in the morning. I realize not only do I need to get to the bathroom, I also just need to move, but I feel uneasy. Just moving; in bed aches, what will it feel like when I raise up? Right, it will weigh me down, I will feel unable to walk, everything that I have never thought about will ache.
How many times did you think about how you walked and appreciated walking before fibromyalgia?
I’ve never thought about my feet so much as I have since they hurt so badly. Same goes for my legs, arms, hands, back, even my head. Every morning when I rise my body reminds me that those parts are there.
The last seven years of my life have shown me, how much I’ve neglected my body in the past. How much I didn’t respect myself enough to take care of me. Even though many things that happened were out of my control, I still done things I shouldn’t. If I had of known that the pain I felt back then would grow into the pain I feel now, I would’ve loved myself much better. Now I’ve been forced to pay attention, forced to feel. I can’t hide anymore, I can’t cover it up, I can’t suppress it. I feel it all from head to toe, and the pain won’t go away.