“Time to do what makes your soul happy.”
I’m done apologizing for saying No and not going to “get togethers,” “functions,” “reunions,” “birthday parties,” “holidays,” especially ones like Labor Day and whatever else.
Having to live closer to my family for about a year now, I’m so over it. Being closer I chose to try and go around more often and show my face. But when people see me what do they do? They all have fun saying how they can’t believe I showed up and that I came out the house etc…
That for me was the benediction, I showed up and it did not matter. I barely get conversation from any of them. I proved my point of why I stay home and live my life for me and not them. I’m at peace with that now, I’m good with never coming around again.
“The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul. The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.” Psalms 121:7,8
And I don’t know if anyone else runs into this problem of food at these parties, but most times I’m not hungry or I end up eating all the wrong things. And for my family if you don’t eat, you have to spend the the entire time answering why you’re not eating and what’s wrong.
Another thing that pushed me to my choice of letting go of my family (not all still a few I will see) I ended up in this discussion with an older cousin and I brought up how they weren’t around and has no idea of what my life was like, and what I went through. You wouldn’t believe what she said… Her response was, “I know, I hate how you are, how you are. I blame that on her.” (Her being my mom) I was highly upset and it took me back to thoughts I’ve tried I move away from. But I strongly feel like if being around certain people causes me to fall into depression so easily, I shouldn’t be around them if they do more harm than good.
Also no one else in my family will claim having depression, some may say they’ve been depressed before. Trust me many are still depressed. It’s made out as if my mother is the first in the family to ever have depression. Then I wasn’t good enough because I too have depression and anxiety and it caused me a lot of setbacks in my life. My mom and I know no history of illness in our family other than maybe heart conditions. And that’s only because of recent deaths.
They are so judgmental and think they know everything. Most think they’re wise, but I have more wisdom in my little toe.
They are all surprised whenever they find out I can do something. All tell me how smart I am and I have talent, I should be doing something with it. They only notice me when they ask something of me.
“When you start seeing your own worth you’ll find it harder to be around people who don’t.”