We are WildFlowers

Living Life

September 24th was my birthday and all I wanted was to get to the beach and see the ocean. I wanted to wake up and have the sunshine shining bright and feeling great.

    Days even weeks before I had not been feeling that good, and my right foot had been bothering me, cramping up and being sore. I had also been very stressed about money, wondering if it was a good idea to even celebrate my birthday. After riding hours in the car and my nerves being tested with 18 wheeler trucks on the road and other cars driving crazy. Wasn’t so bad after I finally fell asleep.
    I knew the weather wasn’t going to be great but I hoped I would get a little bit of sunshine. Wednesday night we walked the beach, that wasn’t such a good idea. Legs and feet ached so bad. I lied in bed with the heating pad trying to fall asleep and couldn’t. Oh I forgot before the walk I did enjoy a alcohol beverage, which I know I know I shouldn’t have. But then again this is me trying to enjoy and live my life. My stomach was messed up because with my meal I had ice tea (sweet). The sugar did not agree with me. I’ve been trying my best to cut sugar and many other things from my diet but it becomes difficult and stressful for me. Anyways I finally fell asleep late night/early morning. Got a few hours of sleep before I got a text message at around 8am wishing me a happy birthday. That made me hopeful for a great day and I got up stood looking out towards the ocean and it wasn’t the same without the sun, but it was still nice.

    I put on my bathing suit and we headed to the water. It was fun but chilly. From there we got in the hot tub, which felt amazing. After checking out the hotel we then headed to what’s called Broadway At The Beach in South Carolina. Weather gets worse and worse. The rain is making it hard for me to smile. We went into a building called Wonder Works which was full of exciting things to do. I enjoyed myself but the more I stood, waited in lines, walked, going up and down stairs, I was feeling my body shut down on me. I was holding onto the rails of the staircase for my life, pulling myself up them. I couldn’t take it anymore and we got outside and it’s pouring down raining. It made me even more exhausted. Rain got in my eyes and was burning, I really wanted to cry, I was holding back tears. My husband went to get the car and came back to pick me up. Then he says we’re going to go ahead and go back home. OMG, the way my body felt and now I have to be in a car for hours and I could not stretch out my legs, I was wet from the rain. I was sore and hurting. Thankful for heated seats in my car, that helped and having the heat on a bit. I drifted off to sleep.

Now today on September 26th, I am still sore and trying to recover. Yesterday was raining and today it’s still raining and it’s still no sun out.
    I’m tired and still stressed a bit because we have to find somewhere to move to by January and I am so ready to move. If anyone knows about living with other people, you know what I mean. I miss having my own place. (Overdue)
       I’m making an attempt not to worry and do my best to relax but it’s not that easy. My mind won’t relax and then when it does something is said to wake it back up. Or if I finally relax my body, I’m asked to move and I’m right back stressed.

All I want to do is sleep and hope to wake up with less pain.

Every time I try to live life trying to celebrate something, I end up feeling  sick and horrible. That’s why I never want to do too much, and no one ever understands that. I don’t want to be boring, so I play along and most times I’m doing things to please others. But at the end of the day I’m good with a bed, tv, computer, phone, wifi, snacks and water. You get want I’m saying, I’m good at home for the most part.

Living life makes me tired.


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