We are WildFlowers

Doubts About Life 

Sometime last night my mind filled up with thoughts of doubt. I questioned my choice of wanting to be an author, some may say I am one but I sure don’t feel like one; whatever that’s suppose to feel like. I don’t have a “fan base” I don’t have people eager to read my work. But one thing I could proudly admit to myself is that I am for sure a writer, that I can claim. But if asked Writer of what? I know then again I don’t know how to answer that. I am a writer of emotions…

My health struggles along with me trying to pursue a dream and not wanting to get stuck at some died end job… I feel I haven’t contributed to anything for a long time. I haven’t worked in years and God bless my husband for understanding even though I know it’s not easy for him. So many times I think he’s going to leave me for some woman who works all the time, yes that is what I don’t contribute… Money. 

So many people try to figure out what will make them the most money, while I’m trying to figure out what will make me the most happy. 

We all have our gifts, talents, strengths and we are meant to help one another. If we were all good at the same things, we wouldn’t need anyone. My husband is better at working to make money, the amount of money he makes I have never made in my life. I would have to have 2 or more jobs or work overtime to be able to take care of myself the way he takes care of us both. God truly loves me to bless me in this way. 

I’m better at…see that’s my problem I don’t know what I’m better at. 

I was thinking maybe I was meant to be a wife and hopefully a mother one day, a true homemaker, they don’t make them like they used to. I’m good at loving, encouraging, being nurturing, being understanding, listening, very opinionated, artsy, and so forth. 

I’m a highly sensitive, emotional, straight-forward, laid back person. I enjoy knowing how people think and how they feel on deeper levels, I enjoy when others open up to me. What can I do? 

At age 31 is it too late for me to become a therapist? 

I don’t think about where the next dollar will come from, I think about the next day that I’m given…how can I make the best of it. 

I woke up this morning feeling as if I was suffocating, I sat up trying to catch my breath and decided it was time to start my day. I felt some of those doubts had eased away and I wanted to write this and share how I was feeling. Today I will continue to work on feeling like an author. Looking down on this paper of this story I’m writing… I thought to myself, I’ve come to far to turn back now or give up.



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