(how I felt last year in March 2018)
I’m ok but I’m not good. Yesterday, I had muscle spasms/cramps in my body. This was the first time I felt this in my chest (like that) It hurt as I walked it tighten. Also felt it in my back, down my legs as I walked. It took my breath away and at that moment I felt so alone. No one knows what I’m feeling, even if they do know, no one understands, there’s nothing anyone can do. No one really knows what to say to me. It was so bad yesterday that my husband walked with me to the mailbox. As I took my time, holding onto his hand. I thought to myself, omg, I cant end up like this. I’m exhausted, it’s so much random shit. Like last night my eyes just began to burn and watered up so bad it was like I was crying. No one will never truly understand me. I have been locked up in a prison of my mind forever, now my body is torturing me. My life has been hell on earth. Some days are difficult.
I am still here and still fighting. Dealing with mostly the stress of life than dealing with pain. Even though I know any stress can cause pain in my body. All of the weather changes of being warm one day then back cold, has bothered me. Also my sleep patterns have been off. Not sleeping well is enough on it’s on but feeling sharp pain off and on in a leg or foot or anywhere, randomly, makes it difficult to fall asleep. I’m feeling sharp pain in my left foot right now as I type this. By the way it’s 2:35 am and I have no idea when I will fall asleep.