(how I felt last year in March 2018)
I’m ok but I’m not good. Yesterday, I had muscle spasms/cramps in my body. This was the first time I felt this in my chest (like that) It hurt as I walked it tighten. Also felt it in my back, down my legs as I walked. It took my breath away and at that moment I felt so alone. No one knows what I’m feeling, even if they do know, no one understands, there’s nothing anyone can do. No one really knows what to say to me. It was so bad yesterday that my husband walked with me to the mailbox. As I took my time, holding onto his hand. I thought to myself, omg, I cant end up like this. I’m exhausted, it’s so much random shit. Like last night my eyes just began to burn and watered up so bad it was like I was crying. No one will never truly understand me. I have been locked up in a prison of my mind forever, now my body is torturing me. My life has been hell on earth. Some days are difficult.
I am still here and still fighting. Dealing with mostly the stress of life than dealing with pain. Even though I know any stress can cause pain in my body. All of the weather changes of being warm one day then back cold, has bothered me. Also my sleep patterns have been off. Not sleeping well is enough on it’s on but feeling sharp pain off and on in a leg or foot or anywhere, randomly, makes it difficult to fall asleep. I’m feeling sharp pain in my left foot right now as I type this. By the way it’s 2:35 am and I have no idea when I will fall asleep.
I hope that you all are feeling better than I am today.
I am just coming down from having a cold. Still dealing with that a bit. Dealing with phlegm in my throat causing me to gag and be nauseous. The other day my back starts hurting. I feel the pain when I cough mostly. Also I’ve been feeling dizziness, spinning kind of feeling since the 3rd.
Today has been so weird for me. I’ve gotten used to my body doing unexplainable things but today seemed new and different. Woke up around, I can’t even remember now what time it was. Anyways, I’m sitting up on the bed and my legs are getting that “falling asleep” feeling. Almost feeling numb and not the first time this has happened maybe the second. Then lying back down I still feel this way. In my legs down to my toes.
I also feel trembling in my body which is nothing new. Heart is racing and I’m used to that, I’m trying to calm down. Try to relax but I can’t. The only other thing to do than nothing is sleeping. I can’t relax enough to even close my eyes. I hadn’t ate all day and it’s around 6pm. So with no one to ask I have to just get up and do this myself. I make a salad and as I stand things don’t feel right at all. My hands are literally trembling. I haven’t felt trembling in my hands like this before. Holding something, I could feel it shaking. If I didn’t focus on holding it and hurry to put it down I may dropped everything I was carrying.
I didn’t feel right eating but it made the trembling stop a bit. I drunk some ginger ale and then continued to sip on water.
I spoke to my mom to tell her how I was feeling just in case. When I began to talk I noticed I felt like I almost could get my words out. That freaked me out for sure, almost started to cry but held back my tears.
Ive been so worried about getting the flu, hearing about the death count on the news has me freaking out. I worried about having a stroke or heart attack. It’s crazy. I’m trying not to make myself worse with worrying. The weather keeps changing outside. Due to the fact I live in my aunt house right now, I don’t have control over the temperature in the house. It’s an older house so I’m sure the air flow in here isn’t that great. I’m always feeling as if I’m suffocating. Hot, cold, cold, hot is what I deal with.
It’s now going on 8:30pm and I still feel numbness in my toes. Aching in my legs. It’s crazy I feel like my entire body feels like a numbness, or heaviness.
Of course having anxiety, is making it that much more difficult to relax. I’m doing my best. I’m about to survive another day though.
Peace & Love.
I’m dealing with allergies from the pollen and I would rather have a cold. Just when I thought I couldn’t feel worst, I’m proved wrong. Went out yesterday and right away my head started to hurt. When I got back to the house my eyes were bothering me and were red. Skin itchy, even my head was itchy. At first I forgot to change my shirt, then I washed my hair. It helped a bit but also I’ve had trouble sleeping. I know that’s nothing new but my insomnia has been worst lately and then my fatigue kicks in to over drive. I have to force myself to stop sleeping. I get up to try and get some things done.
Right now I’m not feeling great, breathing is weird and it’s just feels like a heaviness on my chest. My body feels heavy along with belching, so I’m guessing the feeling in my chest is gas.
My body is aching a lot more and abdominal pain and cramps.
I’ve been so exhausted and feeling so frustrated. I want to be mute and numb. Sometimes I’m so tired of caring and loving others, it’s overwhelming and I just want to be alone because feeling myself is too much. When you have others who don’t listen to you or don’t even hear you when you talk. It makes things difficult because I already don’t want to burden anyone with how I feel but to know they won’t listen nor understand anyways, it saddens me.
The next months ahead are going to be so hard with the changes of weather. It’s going to make everything 10x times worse.
At least now with sneezing, itchy red eyes I have something to show and prove I’m sick. I want to cry right now but I won’t. I just want to be able to stop trying to explain. I wish someone close to me would just know what’s up and even do the research themselves to the point they know all the symptoms and when I say how I feel they don’t ask me why.
Okay I’ve expressed all I can today. I love everyone who takes the time to read my blog, it means so much to me. I don’t get any money from this, I do it to just have a place to vent/express my feelings and tell my thoughts. Thanks again.
November 23, 2015 7AM
It has started everyone the winter symptoms. All symptoms are a pain but for me winter can be more painful especially my mornings.
This morning I woke up and when I tried to swallow it really hurt and also felt a burning feeling. It was very scary for me, I’ve never felt that before. Yes my throat has been sore before but not like this.
Among others things going on with my body I feel like I’m dying. I think I’m feeling those flu-like symptoms, along with my feet seem swollen and they hurt when I walk.
Today I look like how I feel and others may say different but I can’t even hide it like usual.
All last week I’ve been feeling crazy weird and here at the start of this new week I feel worst.
The pain is one thing but when you feel a sickness in your body; it’s different. I actually feel sick.
No matter the heat it’s nice to step out and see the blue skies. It kind of feels like a recharge yet draining at the same time. With the high temperatures, you may not be able to stay out long but maybe a nice slow walk to the mailbox, or to get the newspaper, or just walk out and stand there , inhale and exhale. Turn around and go back into the cool.
Having fibromyalgia is tough because with too cold or too hot temperatures, it can be very uncomfortable and causes pain. I live my life trying to find balance. Which is ironic because I’m a Libra which are the scales, I’m always weighing through pros and cons.
Trying to find the best out of a bad situation is tough but it must be done. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t find at least one thing to laugh about each day.
Always remember, don’t allow the pain to change you into someone even you hate, let the pain change you into someone better than you knew you could be.
Today I am torn between resting and pushing myself along. Last night as I tried to sleep my right leg bothered me and still as I woke this morning it aches badly, from my thigh all the way to my foot. Cramping in my foot and sore ankles. I’m very tired and emotional this morning, crying thinking about how tough things are for me and no one around me doesn’t think I have it hard. Everyone thinks I’m just being lazy and spoiled. I want to get this weight off of me so bad, in hopes that I will feel a lot better but I don’t want to end up becoming so depressed and stressed for it to happen. Truthfully I think that’s been the only times in my life I slimed down, is because I was very depressed. Barely eating if any, and sleeping a lot. That’s what I ended up doing and I don’t want to let that happen but days like this makes me feel like that may be the only way. While writing this just now I have began to have pain in my face/jaw. I guess I will rest today, going to do my best to find a peaceful/happy place in my mind to relax. (Wishful Thinking) Everyone thinks they know and can relate somehow but they have no idea. If you don’t have it, you will never understand it. All my life I thought I knew pain but the pain I’ve had from fibromyalgia for the last seven years, has been hell on earth and along with the other situations in life, marriage, family, friends, hardships all around. All I can think about is that I’m still here, what am I going to do. It’s one of those days…
It was also raining last night and it started back now this morning, could it be the weather also that’s helping fibromyalgia toutrue me today.