Hope you all are feeling better than me today. Today I feel so sad, crying and I’m tired. I’m tired and I haven’t even done anything. I don’t even feel like trying to explain what I’m feeling in my body right now. All day long. It’s been a tough few months. Day after day. When the new day starts I’m woke, when the day is moving along I am still, in bed trying to get sleep. By night fall I’m wide awoke again most of the time. There are times that I stay up and try to keep myself busy but with the proper rest, I feel sick.
I feel like nothing I eat or drink agrees with me. To be honest I really don’t want to eat anymore. I try to go as long as I can and not eat. I’m tried of drinking and going to the bathroom. I guess I’m just tried of what is called my life.
One of the most frustrating things are, when you’ve told your family and friends you have fibromyalgia, you have told them all the symptoms even printed them out for them to see and read. Constantly talking about it and explaining. Then when you don’t feel well and they ask what’s wrong, you tell them what you’re feeling and they ask you why are you feeling that way or what did you do. Oh how crazy it is you feel that way etc…
In that moment I feel as if no one cares and of course no one understands. The crap just happens and I don’t know why. It’s like they don’t care to keep that information in their head of What fibromyalgia does to someone. They have no clue.
No one wants to hear about how I feel but then they tell me about their aches and pains as if their pain is more relevant than mine. Don’t forget about the age. People older feel they have a right to feel the way they do and wonder what’s my reason or how, why, would be aching and joints popping, I’m too young to be feeling that way etc…
Time heals almost everything given the time.
Waking from a dream about me lying in a hospital bed with a tube giving me oxygen, I was preparing to go in for some sort of surgery I guess on my heart. I was giving my last words to the ones I love just in case I didn’t make it through. After I spoke to the last person, I woke up. After waking up I checked my email and I had one from http://prayables.org and it read:
“Where there’s a will – there’s a way. When you want something so bad that nothing will deter you – you are willing it to happen. Not so with wishing; willing’s meek and mousy cousin. May you be blessed to use the full force of your will today. Boldly state “THERE WILL BE HEALING!” avoid phrases that even have the mildest hint of a wishy-washy wish. Use your spiritual authority – it works.”
Now what really stood out for me in this message was the bold all caps “THERE WILL BE HEALING!” and where there’s a will, there’s a way. This meant so much to me because I chose one word to live by this year and that one word is Healing. Because that is what I need the most, is too be healed, in any way. It is said that God will speak to us through anything and He spoke to me through this message this morning.
Now I’m going to show you why I think I had that dream and show you how Real My God is… Check out these pictures of my blood pressure results and you explain how I’m walking around, talking or even breathing. I choose to believe it’s God, He is the one who wakes me up in the morning and through His strength I’m able to carry on. On this day when I checked my BP I felt ok, truly a “silent killer” I had no idea it would be that high. This is one reason why I need HEALING.
I’m starting to think I’m SUPER HUMAN, how is this possible… Anything is possible with the Lord.
“Be gentle with yourself. You’re doing the best you can. That’s what God expects of you: 100% effort to your own abilities. The resuts may not always be what you’d like them to be. Take an honest assessment of whether or not you gave it your all, if the answer is yes– relax. May God bless you with inner peace for a job well done.” —http://prayables.org