365 Days of Fibromyalgia

Posts tagged ‘Anxiety’

Anxiety & Depression 

I know everyone story is different on how we became apart of this mental health illness movement. Mine started way before I even knew it would impact my life the way it has. 

I knew about depression before I could walk or talk. I know you may be wondering what I mean, let me explain. When I was born my mom suffered with major depression and thinking back now I feel I was already depressed before I knew what it meant to be that. I remember the sadness I used to feel and how many times I cried myself to sleep. With that being said depression is not what kept me from doing things first, that brings me to anxiety. 

My first experience of anxiety was at a sleepover, I was so embarrassed. I started crying and freaking out. The other girls were concerned about me and not knowing what to do. I have been fighting this battle my entire life. 

Later on in life about 16, 17, the depression really kicked in when I really felt it. I had to admit to myself I was depressed and this isn’t just a teenage moment that will pass. I remember not being able to force myself to get up. Not wanting to do anything but sleep. I had started my first job and was working my butt off and having like one or two days off was not enough, I was exhausted and unhappy about where my life was heading and if that job was even worth it. 

Present Day: I had a tough night last night and today. The depression was full blast. After years of this though, I am able to work pass it more quickly now but it is not easy. 

Writing this right now is one way I am dealing with it. I want people to be aware of the reality of it all. Anxiety and Depression is very real and it affects so many even many who don’t even know that is what’s wrong or not willing to admit to themselves that is what it is. 

I spent years telling myself that is not me and I can change. Now it is apart of me and I can not change myself but I can change how I manage and deal with it. 

It always helps me when I can get my mind focused on something else other than my negative thoughts about myself. I am able to laugh tonight and even though I didn’t want to talk I wasn’t able to close myself off from everyone, and that is a good thing. 

With depression, when you don’t want to be around anyone. That is when you need to spend time with others the most. Not just anyone though. The right person or right people will have you feeling on top of the world but the wrong one will have you deeper in the dark. 

To add the pain from fibromyalgia I am exhausted and it’s amazing that I have kept it together this well. Inside I am screaming. 

Some days I break into pieces but unlike humpy-dumpy, I am able to put myself back together again. 

-Kerra Melissa Pridgen 


STAY STRONG 

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I’m Tired of Explaining

I just want others to remember what I’m going through. Other people don’t get questioned, if others say “I’m tired, hurting somewhere, I’m sick.” People think to themselves, “Oh must be the (fill in the blank.)

But let someone ask me what’s wrong, how do I feel? I answer, “I’m tired, this or that is hurting, I feel sick.” They respond, “Why? What did you do?”

All I want is understanding, just remember I have fibromyalgia, remember it causes me to be in pain and a long list of other bullshit that can’t be explained.

Please come up with better responses because I don’t know why, nor do I know what I did to deserve this pain. All I know is what I feel is as real as you and me. Well most of you, a lot of you all are fake. Trust me I don’t want to feel this way. My entire life all I’ve known is pain in every form.

Family think they know me, and I know secretly they think I’m lazy, spoiled, anti-social, and whatever else.

Educate yourselves and search the word/term Fibromyalgia.
Do not tell me that you know someone who has it, because the illness is different from person to person.

You need to get to know me.
And I won’t die anytime soon, I will deal with this crap for the rest of my life. I have no idea if it’s going to get worst as I get older. The changes are happening every year.

Anniversary of Life

January 12,2014

Anniversary of Life

Not only am I celebrating my 5th wedding anniversary today, but I am also celebrating me surviving pain. After meeting my husband and while we were dating I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Even though I think I had in my childhood, there isn’t really any proof of that. Only that I always had very itchy skin and I got my mensal cycle as early as first grade and I was in a lot of pain, pain that only remained the same and got worst as I grew older. I still have painful periods. Also it’s been like twelve plus years with anxiety & depression. I can count on my hands the the meds I took as a teen and I quit every last one because I didn’t like how it made me feel. I stopped taking them on my own, and it’s said that that can cause problems, so guess I screwed myself even worst. Wasn’t my idea to take anything to start with, but I’ve made it another year with only taking like ibuprofen, advil, when I have it and it doesn’t work all the time. I remember being depressed & scared(anxiety) as a child, I just always thought I was different. (Still do) NEVERTHELESS I love myself though. I’m going to celebrate this day and hopefully it will be full of laughs, love & smiles. These years have not been easy, NEVERTHELESS I’ve always seen the blessings in disguise. I’m a better woman, even more wiser. Without the help of God we would not still be, without not being able to see past all the b.s and see the persons that we really are…we would not still be. He knows what he has, I know what I have, so despite it all We will always come together. Whenever you think we are on the edge of falling, just know we are there to pull each other up every time. Whenever you think you’ve pulled us apart, trust and believe you’ve only pushed us closer together. ¬†LOYALTY ALWAYS
Anyways back to the celebrating…

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