May 4, 2014
Back to Work
That time had come, well it’s been over due that I start back working. Everyone around be would agree because they don’t understand an have no idea the pain I’m truly in.
One can speak until faces changes colors and still they wouldn’t get it, the only thing that people understand is the word “dying” If I was to tell people I am dying, then would they listen and care to understand. Well I am not literarily dying but I am dying deep within my soul. Every pain I feel every single day takes so much away from me, and it’s hard to smile and keep going.
My life is changing and I need the income, so the time for just thinking is over I have to actually do it. I had been trying to apply to jobs that it knew I wouldn’t mind doing, at least I think I wouldn’t mind doing. I did not want to have to go back to retail at all. But since I hadn’t got a reply back from the jobs I really would like I just applied for Walmart and even though the idea of being around so many people makes me want to throw up, I have no other choice.
The idea of being on someone else time scares me, because we all know fibromyalgia is on its own time and comes and goes as it pleases. I may only be twenty-nine years old but I can’t do things the way I used to. Just thinking about doing all those things is giving me a headache. All I know is, I don’t want to be a cashier, with brain fog. Also I concerned about my sight, not seeing the right thing. I sometimes think that it says one thing or I saw something but I turn out to be wrong, things like that make me scared to get back out there.
My stress level is going to hit the roof I can already feel it. With maybe having to move, also only having one car, I f I get a job how are me and my husband going to work that out? Who knows.
I’m about to get tested to the extreme and I hope I don’t fail. I can’t makes anyone hire me? I haven’t worked in about five or six years so all I can say is at least I tried.