Hope you all are feeling better than me today. Today I feel so sad, crying and I’m tired. I’m tired and I haven’t even done anything. I don’t even feel like trying to explain what I’m feeling in my body right now. All day long. It’s been a tough few months. Day after day. When the new day starts I’m woke, when the day is moving along I am still, in bed trying to get sleep. By night fall I’m wide awoke again most of the time. There are times that I stay up and try to keep myself busy but with the proper rest, I feel sick.
I feel like nothing I eat or drink agrees with me. To be honest I really don’t want to eat anymore. I try to go as long as I can and not eat. I’m tried of drinking and going to the bathroom. I guess I’m just tried of what is called my life.
One of the most frustrating things are, when you’ve told your family and friends you have fibromyalgia, you have told them all the symptoms even printed them out for them to see and read. Constantly talking about it and explaining. Then when you don’t feel well and they ask what’s wrong, you tell them what you’re feeling and they ask you why are you feeling that way or what did you do. Oh how crazy it is you feel that way etc…
In that moment I feel as if no one cares and of course no one understands. The crap just happens and I don’t know why. It’s like they don’t care to keep that information in their head of What fibromyalgia does to someone. They have no clue.
No one wants to hear about how I feel but then they tell me about their aches and pains as if their pain is more relevant than mine. Don’t forget about the age. People older feel they have a right to feel the way they do and wonder what’s my reason or how, why, would be aching and joints popping, I’m too young to be feeling that way etc…
Monday I started a new exercise routine that I felt would be easy enough for me to do and I could keep it up. Tuesday came and I was very sore, to the point I was walking like tin-man. I decided I would rest one day then get back to the next and keep this pattern going.
All day Tuesday I was sore and felt like this was going to be a total failure again. While in bed sleep thinking about Wednesday, I was creating excuses in my head. All night through early morning, as I get in and out of bed to use the bathroom, I’m so sore and I just know I won’t be able to do any kind of workout.
I’m thinking that just getting up out of bed is good enough. Walking around to get stuff done is good enough. I want to lie in bed and let my body not be sore anymore. Truth is though my body might never not be sore, I would be waiting forever.
That point came when I was ready to get up and I made me some ice coffee, took some vitamins and I seemed to be walking a little easier, I was still feeling sore but I felt I could definitely move around.
I put my sneakers on and played some music and got started. I did my exercise and I’m proud of myself for not giving in to my excuses.
February 16, 2014
Please take my word of advice, do not fight. No matter how upset you get, matter right don’t even waste your energy getting upset at anyone, because it’s pointless and with fibromyalgia you are the one who suffers in the end.
I became upset, got in a fight well my period is on, so that alone was enough. There were pushing and tossing, ended up on the floor, on my back. So when it was all said and done, my whole body flared up, back, arms, legs, sides are aching, sore, and very stiff. Sore to the touch all over, plus I have pms. I’m in hell right now, headaches and feeling like throwing up. I’m hot an cold all at the same time, and this is day two of my whole body stiffness, and no one to comfort me. I’m stressed, upset and sad, along with sleepy and feeling weak, lost and out of it.
I can’t move without hurting, or feeling soreness. I can’t touch any part of my body and not feel pain. And the person I go in a fight with doesn’t even seem to care, they have no idea how much pain I’m in and how this pain feels. Even when I breathe it hurts, and I can’t stop crying. I cried all last night, cried myself to sleep, cried when I woke up. I’m trying my best not to like my thoughts get me down, nor put all my focus on my pain. It’s just that it hurts so bad, and when I say my whole body, that is what I mean, from head to toe. My chest, collar bone is sore to the touch. Every muscle in my body I think is tight and stiff. And all I’m worried about is the fact I have a lot of cleaning to do, and I hurt to bad to get it done. This is going to be the worst week ever.