March 7, 2014
Friday Mar 7 2014
I’m a very emotional person and I’ve feeling very emotional today about a certain issue, not sure if it’s more than one issue but it’s something seeming intense in my spirit.
The more I think about it, the more I imagine some kind of negative scenario happening. My fear is driving me to suspect that like any and everything could go wrong for me. I always see the good and bad, mostly bad and I wait more on the bad to happen now, because I know it will come. That thinking keeps me from being happy more often. But seems as though when I’m happy in a great mood, no one else is, or I’m happy and I find out that I’ve been lied to about something. There’s so many things that keep my mindset on negative thoughts. Life has always been tough for me even has a child I was dealing with what I thought was the worse, but I never figured out how to handle life situations. And if that wasn’t enough I am given even more pain to carry around physically. All the positive that I was given and that I get in my life, I never took it as positive, because I didn’t think those thing of myself, or if I didn’t feel that way about me, I felt like “yeah right” and the first person to say something negative towards me, I was ready to believe every word of it, and feel as if everyone else ha lied to me. I know its crazy but a life of pain drives you crazy. I know all my faults, issues and problems though and working towards fixing me, but if others around me can’t admit and accept there own doing, I fear sometime in my life I will not just feel alone inside, but I will physically be alone.
Everyday I try to snap myself out of that mindset. “Negativity feeds more negativity” sure I know that but it sure is hard to manage sometimes. The more I worry, the more I will worry about everything. I have been doing a alright job of turning my thoughts around in my mind to believe that everything is going okay and everything will go right.
IM STILL A WORKING PROGRESS.