How long did it take you to figure out what to change in your life to help make you feel better?
I am still on the journey of trying to figure out what to eat, what not to eat. How does my body react to things. I’m lost and I can’t keep track. Every time I think I know, I don’t really have it. That alone is exhausting.
Being in so much discomfort and pain. You don’t want to take away everything you love. I want to be able to have those things that just make me happy, but I don’t know if those things are keeping me from being stuck in this never ending cycle.
Lately I’ve been so stressed which is not good. Random things keep happening as they always do but I’m never ready or looking forward to. For example: I’m sitting up in bed legs crisscrossed “indian style” I unfold them and notice my right foot is going numb, like it’s fallen asleep it’s tingling. Within seconds of me noticing that the same feeling moves up my entire leg and thigh. I’m freaking out because it feels weird, uncomfortable and I don’t know what’s about to happen next. What if I lose all feeing or can’t walk. I took off whatever clothing I had on just to feel free and I laid back and tried to relax. The feeling goes away at some point but I’ve never had that feeling go up my leg like that and especially with me just sitting on the bed.
I’m like I have to be mindful of so much that I do and that is one reason why I choose not to go to every family event of go everywhere in general because I’m just concerned of what or how my body may react to be being out.
Right now I have a toe that had been bothering me since yesterday and it feel the bone of the toe or joint hurts.
I’m so exhausted trying to live a life that I feel is trying to kill me. I can’t seem to get much of anything that is important to me done. My hands keep aching, I have to take breaks for that along with the fact I’m not sleeping well so I have to sleep when my body allows me to. Well I should say mind and body allows me to. Mostly by He time I fall asleep and wake up the day is almost over and I’m trying to get in as much as I can before it’s time for me to try and fall asleep again like a “normal” person.
Oh!!! I almost forgot another reason I haven’t been sleeping is because my skin as been itching so bad. I’m feeling things on me, feeing little pricks and stings. I feel like I’m losing my mind. Then seem like every time I get to sleeping really good, I have to get up to pee. 🤦♀️ trying to find balance of cold and hot is another struggle.
Of course I could go on and on…. I just don’t know if I will ever have this all figured out.
All I know is keeping negativity away and saying NO when I can’t and don’t want to do something right go somewhere. Making myself laugh more and putting time and energy into myself.
Hope you all are feeling better than me today. Today I feel so sad, crying and I’m tired. I’m tired and I haven’t even done anything. I don’t even feel like trying to explain what I’m feeling in my body right now. All day long. It’s been a tough few months. Day after day. When the new day starts I’m woke, when the day is moving along I am still, in bed trying to get sleep. By night fall I’m wide awoke again most of the time. There are times that I stay up and try to keep myself busy but with the proper rest, I feel sick.
I feel like nothing I eat or drink agrees with me. To be honest I really don’t want to eat anymore. I try to go as long as I can and not eat. I’m tried of drinking and going to the bathroom. I guess I’m just tried of what is called my life.
One of the most frustrating things are, when you’ve told your family and friends you have fibromyalgia, you have told them all the symptoms even printed them out for them to see and read. Constantly talking about it and explaining. Then when you don’t feel well and they ask what’s wrong, you tell them what you’re feeling and they ask you why are you feeling that way or what did you do. Oh how crazy it is you feel that way etc…
In that moment I feel as if no one cares and of course no one understands. The crap just happens and I don’t know why. It’s like they don’t care to keep that information in their head of What fibromyalgia does to someone. They have no clue.
No one wants to hear about how I feel but then they tell me about their aches and pains as if their pain is more relevant than mine. Don’t forget about the age. People older feel they have a right to feel the way they do and wonder what’s my reason or how, why, would be aching and joints popping, I’m too young to be feeling that way etc…
January 17, 2014
Chronic Fatigue, Insomniac and Nausea
It’s about three o’clock in the morning and I’m up from falling asleep at little after nine o’clock last night; yeah not very long huh. Well that is how it is when you have insomnia, but also having chronic fatigue; one has to get sleep when it comes. Whenever I get sleepy sometimes I can fight and the sleepless goes away, but the longer I stay up unrested the fatigue kicks in over-drive and I can’t keep my eyes open and seems like body is shouting down. Not knowing how long I will be sleep, it could be an hour or hours before I feel refreshed enough to wake up, if I can wake up. Sometimes it’s hard to wake myself up, when I’m down I’m down. And no matter how good I feel it still happens, I could be up for hours. And you know how it’s said that exercising before going to bed makes you tired enough to fall asleep? Yeah well gives me the opposite effect, after working out I feel good and I’m just up until my body is ready to go to sleep. The worst is when I’m so tired to the point I’m yawning over and over again, but can not stay asleep or fall asleep. Eyes won’t stay closed and every little thing wake me up.
Okay now to waking up process, it never fails if I sleep for a very long time or even a few hours I wake up with mucus in my throat, very single time I swallow it’s there, and at times is very bad. The mucus is causing me to become nauseous, because if I try and clear my throat. As soon as I try and clear my throat, I gag and I think I’m going to vomit. Sometimes this feeling can really hurt, the gagging hurts because it feels like something something out but it doesn’t.
Anyhow I want to work out today, but I’m just not sure. I will see, but for now I’m getting back sleepy (go figure). My days seem to all merge together, can’t tell when one day ends and the next one begins. When it lights up again outside, I just tell God thanks for letting me back it to another day.