I haven’t posted anything in a long time. I haven’t even wrote much at all. It’s been difficult trying to document how I feel let alone try to be inspiring for someone else.
I’m going my 12th year of living life with fibromyalgia. I don’t know how I feel, I’m kind of numb to it all. So many different things are weighing me down and nowadays I just want to be left alone.
On a more positive note, I’ve been knitting and crocheting more and my skill level has really improved. It’s become a thing that keeps my mind focused. I knit way more than I crochet but nothing is better than being able to get some cool new yarn and create something.
Today is also Mother’s Day. I’m not a mother but I’m here alone enjoying time to myself. I kind of hate I missed out on today because it could’ve been fun, I decided I would celebrate with my mom tomorrow maybe but today I decided to choose me for change and take time to relax and be with my thoughts. It feels good to not have anxiety kicking my butt for a change. Even though I know it’s still there waiting to make me uncomfortable.
I hope you all who are moms are enjoying this day. Happy Mother’s Day and Fibromyalgia Awareness Day.
For people with fibromyalgia; awareness is every day but on May 12th it’s a day for others to show their support, and for people living with this condition to proudly be noticed and acknowledged.
What are things about fibromyalgia do you want to bring awareness to today?
One important thing I want others to know for awareness is even when I’m lying or sitting, doing nothing, I am hurting or aching somewhere or all over. It’s exhausting and at times you may get a break and feel pretty good but it doesn’t last long.
Living with an invisible illness is difficult because no one wants to believe you. They see you as this beautiful person because you dress nice, hair done, maybe makeup, and have a smile. They don’t see that inside you feel like you are on fire, breaking into pieces, falling apart, screaming for help, feeling shooting pain etc.
At times I feel as if talking about it gives it power and that I should not claim it into my life, but my body reminds me that I can’t lie to myself. It’s apart of me and I don’t have control over it. Yes I’m a fighter but lately most days I don’t want to fight anymore I just want to be still and try not to feel. It’s laughable thinking I can’t feel, I feel everything.
When you speak about how you feel, they hear excuses. Some think you’re just complaining and lazy. Many keep their pain to themselves.
One of the hardest questions to answer is How are you? The easiest answer is I’m ok.
Today is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day, and I wonder how many people other than the ones you have it knows about this day.
It’s not a day that people around me know or remember if I’ve told them. I have no T-shirt to walk around in, have no one wearing one for me. Even though my life is in Gods hands, if a doctor was to put a time on my life, everyone would care then. The fact that fibromyalgia is nothing you can just die from, so they say. It’s just a normal thing now for me to be in pain. What am I doing today? I’m just trying to rest.
The pain becomes like second nature, it’s apart of your life, a living, breathing thing that is draining all of your joy and happiness. You have to find a balance and figure out how you can be happy with pain. That sounds crazy but it’s true. You can’t allow it to get you down.
Every day is awareness day for me but it’s sure great to have this day today to showcase and really let people show there support. Thanks to all who wear purple for fibromyalgia today and every day for the ones you care and love.
May 12, 2014
FIBROMYALGIA AWARENESS DAY
On this day what shall we do? Celebrate? Or be quiet and hideout, pretend that nothing is wrong.
Well for me I will not only celebrate but I want to make it loud and clear what I’ve lived with for years. Some may see it as one being proud of having a illness, but oh no that’s not it at all, it’s just being aware of what’s going on and not just finding excuses of why you feel a certain way. I know what’s wrong and I don’t have excuses, I have reasons.
Of course some people had nothing wrong with them before experiencing fibromyalgia, but my story is different. My mom had depression way before I existed, so I grew up around that but also I myself had signs of anxiety as a child and slowly depression came upon me. (Which may have already been) so I went my whole life in the midst of up and down sadness full of trauma. My early preteen years I was diagnosed with having anxiety, then came depression. That’s all I knew, then at age seventeen I was told I had a STD one that could have killed me if I had of waited any longer to go to the doctor. Then a huge fall onto my back at work, then I was in a car accident. That’s when the real pain came but kind of went away I guess, wasn’t anything I was concerned about.
In 2008 my body cramped up from head to toe, I was lying on the bed unable to move and I was in pain. It happened again so I went to ER, had no health insurance so the doctor didn’t even touch me, asked if I had been out in the sun lately. Told me I had heat cramps, to drink a sport drink and it should be alright. I had already started noticing small changes like smells were making me gag, to problems with my eye sight. Finally got back to a family doctor and told her what things I were dealing with. She said I think I know what you have. So December of 2008 I was given a sheet print from off the internet about fibromyalgia, I was diagnosed that day and I almost cried when I knew it couldn’t be cured and I would have it forever. Like things in my life weren’t already hard enough for me, what would I do now.
For six years now I’ve been on this journey of educating myself and others about fibromyalgia and trying to better myself as a person. I want to celebrate my life on this day because I’m still here, still going as strong as I can and I know I’m better than I was years ago; because I’m wiser and being wise is priceless. I know things could be so much worst for me, so I take the good with bad and will continue to share awareness on this day and all the days of the year.