March 19, 2014
How is your heart?
Is it broken, torn, dark and full of doubt.
My heart as be broken, and it seems to hurt always. With Fibromyalgia controlling my muscles, when my heart contracts it takes my breath away. But my heart conditions aren’t all to blame on fibromyalgia, I also have high blood pressure. And with depression my heart feels so weak, because my spirit is broken.
Now let’s fast forward a little, I’ve come a long way from where I use to be. I may not be all the way better or found what works. But one day at a time, I have to take like moment by moment or hour by hour.
With everything else in my life other than my health, it’s not as loving as I would like. I have to accept the way people love me and deal with it, but it’s tough when there’s already so much other crap I have to accept that’s going on with me. It breaks my heart when someone I love hurts my feelings, lies to me, puts me down. I have to stop worrying about all that, because stress is going to take me out if I’m not careful.
I’m not working out as much as I should because I’m in pain, so I gained weight, which is causing me to feel bad. Along with high blood pressure, which I’m doing my best to change my eating habits, but that’s hard when the person you love with is slim and can eat whatever and pays you the same things they eat. And it’s even harder when you just can’t seem to say No and I would rather have a salad. The headaches am everything, every single thing that I deal with makes me sad in some way. I fear to be alone because fibromyalgia is so random and I never know what’s going to happen, what kind of pain I will be in. So I would rather have someone than no one. I am financially taken care of by my husband [Basics] and I am thankful. I don’t have someone to be emotionally, mentally here with me and other things that I can’t discuss have put a dark cloud over my heart. Still I try and love but it’s different, I love without trust, I love with doubts.
Every time I think my heart can’t take anymore or I’m about to lose it, it keeps going and I receive that my heart is stronger than I that. And most importantly God is the one that had the control over it, I just need to help take better care of it, and that I’m working on doing. I’m learning to put all my hope, trust and love in Jesus and let thins be. I want to restore my heart, but I can’t if I keep holding on to all that hurts me. So I hope you join me in the quest of letting go and letting God.