How long did it take you to figure out what to change in your life to help make you feel better?
I am still on the journey of trying to figure out what to eat, what not to eat. How does my body react to things. I’m lost and I can’t keep track. Every time I think I know, I don’t really have it. That alone is exhausting.
Being in so much discomfort and pain. You don’t want to take away everything you love. I want to be able to have those things that just make me happy, but I don’t know if those things are keeping me from being stuck in this never ending cycle.
Lately I’ve been so stressed which is not good. Random things keep happening as they always do but I’m never ready or looking forward to. For example: I’m sitting up in bed legs crisscrossed “indian style” I unfold them and notice my right foot is going numb, like it’s fallen asleep it’s tingling. Within seconds of me noticing that the same feeling moves up my entire leg and thigh. I’m freaking out because it feels weird, uncomfortable and I don’t know what’s about to happen next. What if I lose all feeing or can’t walk. I took off whatever clothing I had on just to feel free and I laid back and tried to relax. The feeling goes away at some point but I’ve never had that feeling go up my leg like that and especially with me just sitting on the bed.
I’m like I have to be mindful of so much that I do and that is one reason why I choose not to go to every family event of go everywhere in general because I’m just concerned of what or how my body may react to be being out.
Right now I have a toe that had been bothering me since yesterday and it feel the bone of the toe or joint hurts.
I’m so exhausted trying to live a life that I feel is trying to kill me. I can’t seem to get much of anything that is important to me done. My hands keep aching, I have to take breaks for that along with the fact I’m not sleeping well so I have to sleep when my body allows me to. Well I should say mind and body allows me to. Mostly by He time I fall asleep and wake up the day is almost over and I’m trying to get in as much as I can before it’s time for me to try and fall asleep again like a “normal” person.
Oh!!! I almost forgot another reason I haven’t been sleeping is because my skin as been itching so bad. I’m feeling things on me, feeing little pricks and stings. I feel like I’m losing my mind. Then seem like every time I get to sleeping really good, I have to get up to pee. 🤦♀️ trying to find balance of cold and hot is another struggle.
Of course I could go on and on…. I just don’t know if I will ever have this all figured out.
All I know is keeping negativity away and saying NO when I can’t and don’t want to do something right go somewhere. Making myself laugh more and putting time and energy into myself.
I hope that you all woke up in a good spirit today.
I woke up this morning with a new state of mind about myself. Knowing what you have to do for yourself is only one small part of the battle, maybe even the easiest part. Actually putting it into action is tough for some.
“Knowing what you have to do for yourself is only half the battle.”
This morning I got up and I moved. Not just that slow pace to the bathroom move. I really got up and moved. I had to shake it off so to speak. I did squats, high knees and some arm exercises. I don’t have any weights so I used a bottle of Gain detergent, that is 100 oz. roughly about 7lbs. Even though I’ve done a little bit here and there, I’ve done exercises that have left me in serious pain. Today I woke up different and today these exercises meant more to me and I felt I was doing it right this morning. I am proud of myself.
I am sorry for anyone who woke up this morning in any pain or having negative thoughts or you are having trouble. If anyone is going to a flare, I know how it is. I just want to share my moment of feeling good with you all in hopes that it inspires someone else.
I will enjoy this day and not focus on tomorrow until it is here. I can’t promise myself because it would only turn into a lie (maybe) I never know how or if I will wake the next day, so I will set a small goal.
In hopes that I reach this goal every day. That goal is to have a positive thought(s) when I wake up.
It won’t be easy but I will continue to try.
“Wake up with a positive thought every morning.”
I stepped out of my comfort zone this week. A store I went into were hiring for stocking and I got an application. It’s a small dollar tree store and it really needed help. My mom and I asked if you can just get hired just to stock and they said yes. I’m hoping that this will be the first time, well I take that back the second time I can get hired not to be a cashier. I have most of my experience in retail, also was a assistant manager so I qualify for the job. The only thing is, I haven’t worked in years. I know I don’t want to handle the stress of being a cashier but being on the floor and organizing things is the part I always enjoyed.
Plus dealing with the symptoms of fibromyalgia a lot has changed with myself. Also my anxiety had gotten worse, so it’s a big step for me to have taken the application back yesterday. I drove myself, which is a big deal now. I have to wait until Monday and I will see what happens.
At least I’m making an attempt.
I just want to do something that won’t be too much stress on me and can give me a income to contribute, so I won’t feel like a waste of space or at least put a little money in my pocket.
Monday I started a new exercise routine that I felt would be easy enough for me to do and I could keep it up. Tuesday came and I was very sore, to the point I was walking like tin-man. I decided I would rest one day then get back to the next and keep this pattern going.
All day Tuesday I was sore and felt like this was going to be a total failure again. While in bed sleep thinking about Wednesday, I was creating excuses in my head. All night through early morning, as I get in and out of bed to use the bathroom, I’m so sore and I just know I won’t be able to do any kind of workout.
I’m thinking that just getting up out of bed is good enough. Walking around to get stuff done is good enough. I want to lie in bed and let my body not be sore anymore. Truth is though my body might never not be sore, I would be waiting forever.
That point came when I was ready to get up and I made me some ice coffee, took some vitamins and I seemed to be walking a little easier, I was still feeling sore but I felt I could definitely move around.
I put my sneakers on and played some music and got started. I did my exercise and I’m proud of myself for not giving in to my excuses.
April 4, 2014
Say to yourself:
I am ready.
You must go beyond how you feel.
I got down on the floor and did five crunches, five leg raises and a ten second plank. I was shaking and it was not comfortable at all. We all know that tender spot on the lower back and buttocks where it’s sore. I don’t like lying down on any floor because it hurts. But I need it, why? Because if I want to lose weight and better myself, I have to do something to make those changes. [I take the pain]
If we are going to be in pain anyhow, why not give yourself reasons worth feeling that pain and possibly have some positive results come from it. I dislike hurting for no reason at all, I can be relaxing and just get a headache. Does not matter what I do, so why not do what matters and make it count.
When finding that strength within, which I know we all have to do each and everyday to make it through. That inner strength allows you to do things greater than you could ever imagine.
“Things change, but the sun always rises the next day. – The bad news: nothing is permanent. The good news: nothing is permanent.”
“Even when it’s hard to move, take small steps forward. – Especially in trying times, it’s important to continuously push yourself forward. Because momentum is everything! As long as you keep the momentum positive – even if you’re moving at a snail’s pace – you’ll eventually get to the finish line. So celebrate every step you take today, no matter how small. Because every step will lead you farther away from where you were yesterday and closer to where you want to be tomorrow. Be it a better life or a dream we long to realize, we reach our destinations by taking many, many small steps in the same direction, one at a time.”
January 15, 2014
“Faith gives you an inner strength and a sense of balance and perspective in life.”
– Gregory Peck
Today was another good day for me, yes I still have my pain but even it being there I still had a good day. Know that you are as good as your mind tells you; you are. You must strengthen yourself mentally and there is when you will begin to feel much better physically; they go hand and hand. “To build inner strength you must build both physical endurance and mental muscle.”
Having mental strength can be difficult for some to achieve, especially when you may be deep in depression but you must try. It’s way worth trying than not trying and being unhappy in your days. You have to be able to notice the differences in how you think, respond, react to things and people. One little small thing as deciding to just say ok to someone instead of becoming upset, or notice the things that truly make you happy, and see how your mental state is at those happy moments.
This may have to be a life long task but you will be proud of yourself every day, when you’re able to be strong and not let anything get you down. FIND YOUR STRENGTH THAT IS ALREADY INSIDE OF YOU.
“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” – Dr. Wayne W Dyer
I know that it can seem like God has forgotten us or is putting us through is and we don’t know why. It can be very hard to see your blessings and to see any gift within yourself anymore, but know God still loves us and for me it helped slow me down, it helped me focus and open my eyes to what I was doing to myself. So I take this pain and I wear it as a badge of honor, I don’t allow it to make me less than anyone else. I still have my gifts and talents The Lord has given me and I will not allow this pain to hold me back anymore.