How long did it take you to figure out what to change in your life to help make you feel better?
I am still on the journey of trying to figure out what to eat, what not to eat. How does my body react to things. I’m lost and I can’t keep track. Every time I think I know, I don’t really have it. That alone is exhausting.
Being in so much discomfort and pain. You don’t want to take away everything you love. I want to be able to have those things that just make me happy, but I don’t know if those things are keeping me from being stuck in this never ending cycle.
Lately I’ve been so stressed which is not good. Random things keep happening as they always do but I’m never ready or looking forward to. For example: I’m sitting up in bed legs crisscrossed “indian style” I unfold them and notice my right foot is going numb, like it’s fallen asleep it’s tingling. Within seconds of me noticing that the same feeling moves up my entire leg and thigh. I’m freaking out because it feels weird, uncomfortable and I don’t know what’s about to happen next. What if I lose all feeing or can’t walk. I took off whatever clothing I had on just to feel free and I laid back and tried to relax. The feeling goes away at some point but I’ve never had that feeling go up my leg like that and especially with me just sitting on the bed.
I’m like I have to be mindful of so much that I do and that is one reason why I choose not to go to every family event of go everywhere in general because I’m just concerned of what or how my body may react to be being out.
Right now I have a toe that had been bothering me since yesterday and it feel the bone of the toe or joint hurts.
I’m so exhausted trying to live a life that I feel is trying to kill me. I can’t seem to get much of anything that is important to me done. My hands keep aching, I have to take breaks for that along with the fact I’m not sleeping well so I have to sleep when my body allows me to. Well I should say mind and body allows me to. Mostly by He time I fall asleep and wake up the day is almost over and I’m trying to get in as much as I can before it’s time for me to try and fall asleep again like a “normal” person.
Oh!!! I almost forgot another reason I haven’t been sleeping is because my skin as been itching so bad. I’m feeling things on me, feeing little pricks and stings. I feel like I’m losing my mind. Then seem like every time I get to sleeping really good, I have to get up to pee. 🤦♀️ trying to find balance of cold and hot is another struggle.
Of course I could go on and on…. I just don’t know if I will ever have this all figured out.
All I know is keeping negativity away and saying NO when I can’t and don’t want to do something right go somewhere. Making myself laugh more and putting time and energy into myself.
Check out this t-shirt and tank, it could have so many different meanings and maybe nothing to others, but to me it means showing my pain on the outside. My illness being invisible to the world is difficult, and I support this movement of the @Invisible_Film because it’s what we all need; it’s time for the invisible to be seen.
It makes me feel seen and this T-shirt will be a conversation starter and easier way to talk to others about what’s going on with you.
It tells others that what I’m going through, dealing with is visible; it’s real.
I hope this will help awareness by allowing a platform that many will watch, who doesn’t like watching a film, as they watch they will see and learn. I hope it opens their eyes and I hope it brings more support and awareness to my cause which is fibromyalgia.
“Supporting the production of a documentary challenging the way society and western medicine view chronic pain and chronic illness.”
invisible Film t-shirt
invisible tank top
February 10, 2014
Waiting For Warmer Days
Again the weather as turned backwards and here I am again trying to get warm. Never thought I would want summer time to come do badly, but the winter has been torture for me this year. On my whole body, but mostly my legs. If my legs become too cold it’s a wrap, aching and soreness, and walking its tough to do. And stiffness becomes harder to deal with, staying in a certain position for to long, it hurts to move.
Having it be so cold took all my energy, with the pain plus the pain of when my period comes on, it took the motivation I started off with this year and dragged me through the last week of the month of January. All I could do was do my best to keep my spirit lifted and keep focus on just having faith, to be able to be happy throughout my days. With that said I had already put on a few extra pounds, that’s why I wanted to make working out a priority. It came to a stand still though and now I have gained so much weight maybe a good thirty almost forty pounds and it has actually caused so much more pain on my body. For the first time I really called myself fat and truly meant it and beloved it. I have I get back right. The pain and the cold weather caused me to slip back into not being able to move and be stiff. Going outside walking to the mailbox takes my breath away.
I told myself I was going to at least try and start back doing my exercise DVD (walk away the pounds) that reminds me I haven’t done it yet, maybe tonight. NO EXCUSES RIGHT! RIGHT?
January 17, 2014
Chronic Fatigue, Insomniac and Nausea
It’s about three o’clock in the morning and I’m up from falling asleep at little after nine o’clock last night; yeah not very long huh. Well that is how it is when you have insomnia, but also having chronic fatigue; one has to get sleep when it comes. Whenever I get sleepy sometimes I can fight and the sleepless goes away, but the longer I stay up unrested the fatigue kicks in over-drive and I can’t keep my eyes open and seems like body is shouting down. Not knowing how long I will be sleep, it could be an hour or hours before I feel refreshed enough to wake up, if I can wake up. Sometimes it’s hard to wake myself up, when I’m down I’m down. And no matter how good I feel it still happens, I could be up for hours. And you know how it’s said that exercising before going to bed makes you tired enough to fall asleep? Yeah well gives me the opposite effect, after working out I feel good and I’m just up until my body is ready to go to sleep. The worst is when I’m so tired to the point I’m yawning over and over again, but can not stay asleep or fall asleep. Eyes won’t stay closed and every little thing wake me up.
Okay now to waking up process, it never fails if I sleep for a very long time or even a few hours I wake up with mucus in my throat, very single time I swallow it’s there, and at times is very bad. The mucus is causing me to become nauseous, because if I try and clear my throat. As soon as I try and clear my throat, I gag and I think I’m going to vomit. Sometimes this feeling can really hurt, the gagging hurts because it feels like something something out but it doesn’t.
Anyhow I want to work out today, but I’m just not sure. I will see, but for now I’m getting back sleepy (go figure). My days seem to all merge together, can’t tell when one day ends and the next one begins. When it lights up again outside, I just tell God thanks for letting me back it to another day.
“Every day is a new day –
a day for new beginnings, new dreams, new action -a day for challenge, adventure, and discovery.”
Day of Newness
Feeling pretty good this morning after getting “deep” sleep last night. The start of my 3rd week of working out and I’m feeling strong, I did 35 minutes on the treadmill reaching one mile under the 30 minute mark, my finish time was 1.45 miles. After leaving out the gym I walked a bit then something in me said jog, so I was just going to jog right to my apartment which is a short distance, but still my mind told me to jog once I reached the sidewalk in front of my apartment building I kept going, following the sidewalk all the way around the other side to a dead end. It felt good and it was a very proud moment for me. Turned around walked and then sprinted to my apartment door. After my heart rated calmed down and I was at rest, a smile came upon my face, I was just smiling. I thought to myself, “wow I’m happy.” With myself I feel nothing but joy in my heart right now for me.
Isaiah 40:31 – “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.”
“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” – Dale Carnegie
“You don’t need a reason to be happy,
just a choice.”- Jonathan Lockwood
My morning ended well, with my afternoon beginning and ending with sleep. Body is at a peaceful state even with aches here and there, NEVERTHELESS it could be worst so I’m thankful to feel as good as I do.
Within the Soul
You have to be mindful of your thoughts, our mind can be a powerful weapon, we have to know how to control it and not let it control us. Just do what you need to do, and keep reminding yourself that God got you. There’s no need to worry because most of the time we worry and we are ready for the worst and we know what could go wrong will, to only find out in the end everything works out. It is alright, speak the best/positive into your mind and world. Speak on the best of what could happen, what you want to happen and take time to relax & breathe. It’s alright you know exactly what you need to do, put more focus on yourself a little bit. Believe in the things that make you smile, laugh and promote the best you. Have faith…
I got some much needed sleep, it felt so good and my body was in a very peaceful state along with my mind. Only thing that I felt today was my arm was sore to touch, felt like my skin was burning or something, I couldn’t let it rub up against anything not even my clothes. Then my left knee, kind of had me walking with a leap but NEVERTHELESS I keep on keeping on. Best of my day was getting sleep.
“The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.”
The soul is healed by being with the people you love, it’s just something about it that makes you forget all about your troubles and worries. To just laugh, joke and smile, or even say nothing at all; just being around them by their side it warms your heart and relieves so much of your pain. THE POWER OF LOVE IS AMAZING.