Today I did not workout, I did not clean house, but I worked on clearing my thoughts of unneeded things. Before I get to that, I have to say my body aches so badly today. Just from sitting up trying to think and type on my laptop. Side and back pain, when I walk my knee bothered me. It didn’t help that today was cloudy and rainy all day, so it was cold and my knee aches so badly.
Now back to the point at hand, “career” I love and enjoy writing. I figured out that, that was what I wanted to do with myself late into my life. So I have no degree or anything, but my heart made me a writer, my life made me a writer, my thoughts made me a writer. In school I always enjoyed English classes, even when I had a college course, I ace the English class (technical writing) only class I I did good in, except desktop publishing class.
With all my craziness in my life I turned to writing to express myself, it was the one thing that did not hurt me. I started writing poetry and I was free to say whatever I wanted, I didn’t have to answer, or think of what anyone else would think. No one judged it, they kind of praised it after I began sharing. They were shocked to know certain thing were in my mind, that I thought in that way. I felt I needed to do bigger and better, so I started short stories then only to feel I could maybe go even bigger and write a novel. I thought that would be the only way I could call myself a writer and be pride, have the title as an author. I was determine to do it, but in so many people eyes I failed over an over again. And today something new was on my heart, I confessed to myself that maybe writing a novel is just not for me. It started to hurt me and the more negative I got the more my joy and passion was leaving from it. And with my “brain fog” it’s been harder and taking me longer to write and finish one chapter. It takes me so long at times to figure out how to spell a word, that it makes me want to cry because I can’t think of what it starts with, ends with or anything. People saying that they’re confused when reading my work. I will take my time and try to finish what I’ve started but I need to et back to that freedom, that peace that I had at the beginning of just writing what I felt and what’s on my mind and heart, what’s in my soul. So today I went from and “author” to a writer.
I decided to create a new blog and I will get what on my heart out there. I spent all morning setting it up and posting some things I already had written. My body was aching but I was focused on my body to today. Then I went to bed to finally fall asleep to rest. All night it rained and when I walk I kind of walk with a limp because of my knee. Again I will rest this weekend and get back at itMonday morning.
I can only follow my heart at the end of the day, that’s all I have.