We are WildFlowers

Posts tagged ‘New thinking’

Personality

At some point in my life I started looking into my zodiac sign and I am a Libra, which in most ways describe me but in others it doesn’t.

Now I know you must be wondering what am I getting at. Well for most people they have a person they used to be, things they used to do and so forth, someone they would maybe wish they could be again or not. My point in saying this is, I don’t have that. The person I am is all I’ve known all my life. I’ve lived with anxiety since I was a child, so yeah I was never a “social butterfly” I’ve always been on edge, scared and a over thinker. Like I said a lot of things show that it’s natural because of my zodiac sign I’m naturally a over thinker and prone to get depressed at times. Then a few years ago I looked into the Briggs-Myers personality test http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp (here’s a free version an example) and after doing it my results was the INFJ personality. I am an introvert, and again which this information I found out that this type of personality is somewhat rare and very “messed up” I laugh at thinking about it because that’s the best way I can explain it at the moment.

Like others with chronic illnesses I too am good at putting on a smile and being around others, but it makes me exhausted trying to not think about all that I’m feeling in that moment. I could be having fun laughing and such but still thinking about how uncomfortable I am, how much I want to take my clothes off and be back in bed, etc…

This personality also shows signs of anxiety…

Most people say that there illnesses have changed them, which may be true for the most part but for myself, I feel this has always been who I was. The anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, caused me to become more of this person and of course I do know it has stopped me from becoming or being the person I thought or think I should be. Maybe I am who I’m supposed to be though. It sucks feeling this way but it’s all I know. I’ve always been different from the people around me and always seen things differently. Maybe I was meant to be this way so others around me can be the way they are. Maybe there is no changing me, this is me and I just want to be accepted the way I am and not looked at and made to feel like the person I am is not good enough.

I don’t want to be silent anymore or ashamed of myself. I want to speak out more and let the people around me know how I feel and that looks can be deceiving. Love me or hate me, this is me.

You take the chronic pain away and all the other symptoms and I’m left with the younger self I once knew but still with anxiety. If you take the anxiety away, then I won’t know who you would have because I don’t know that person. I know this could be debatable but I was born a baby with concerns of the world as I looked around. Created from two parents that were depressed. One who suffered from major depression and another who drunk to deal with it. I was born and surrounded by other people sadness, madness and I felt it all, all the emotions. I wasn’t the type of child to sit and play with my toys and block out the world, I watched and it all affected me in some way. I won’t go into detail of things that happened but as a child I should not have been around or known of the things that occurred. My trauma started early and never seemed to come to an end.

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Good Day

Hello WildFlowers,

I hope you all are having a good day. Good days are very few for most of us. When you do have one you have to learn not to do much, just take that good feeling and enjoy the peace of it. Live in that pain-free day and ride it out. Do not over do it.

It’s crazy how relaxed I feel right now. My mind even feels at peace. I don’t want to think about anything, afraid of ruining that feeling.

Didn’t fall asleep until around 4am, woke up around 2pm. Had a cup of coffee and I began cleaning up my bedroom, I can now see the floor from all the clothes being picked up. I can now walk freely on a flat surface.

Now at 5:30pm I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to move. I have a sore spot on my back which is the only thing bothering me today.

It’s cloudy, rainy and cold outside and I just want to Netflix until 8pm when it’s time for a basketball game I want to watch.

Today is a good day.

Fibromyalgia WildFlowers 


When I first started this blog I had a difficult time trying to figure out what to title it. Now that I have so many who follow my blog, which I never expected. It as shown me how many people are thinking or dealing with the same things as me, maybe just being able to relate. 

      I was thinking about how when it comes to fibromyalgia, it affects everyone differently. I can’t believe how I came up with the new name, I was working on this short story that I’m hoping to get done before Christmas. Anyways I was writing about the character and I wrote the sentence, “Hello to all my wildflowers.” Later all it hit me. 


WildFlowers grow wild of all different colors, shapes, styles etc… what a perfect way to describe the beautiful people who live with this illness called fibromyalgia. 
For now on I will start my blog post with, 

Hello my Beautiful WildFlowers. 

Two Way Mirror 

Do you have family or friends close to you that are dealing with some kind of illness different or the same as yours and they have a hard time treating you in the way they would want to be treated. They may compare things in a way as if saying you’re not going through as much as them or how they are dealing with the same thing but it’s so different. 

They are not able to find the words for you that you need to hear. Sometimes they even end up making you feel worse. 

When you go to someone to open up about your feelings and that person looks at you and only sees them self and turns it around to talk about themselves. 

Some people feel if they have had to suffer and figure out on their own then you should do the same. They might say, “I didn’t have any help.” 

Myself, I try my best to uplift someone who comes to me. They felt comfortable enough or maybe I was the only person for them to talk to and even if I can relate, I listen and I remind them of positive things despite how I feel. Helping someone else makes me feel better as a person. Makes me feel I am living in purpose. 

When they are only looking at themselves, I’m looking through seeing much more. 

What do you see? 

Don’t be selfish, help motivate someone and encourage them. People who you love remind them why they are needed, why you love them. If they are lost help try to figure out what direction they need to go. All you have to do is listen and pay attention. 

God has kept me here for a reason. I just want others to see what I see. 

Bless whom is reading this. 

The Root 


So many people become sick and once they have been diagnosed, they feel as if they are on the right path of knowing what is wrong. Some think that it’s the last stage of knowing, like ok this is it, but that is farthest from the truth. Now you have to find the root, meaning why did you get what you were diagnosed with? 

I feel that most doctors are quick to throw prescription drugs at people and give them false hope of living a “normal” life. Even if doctors request you change your diet and exercise they still recommend taking a prescription, which leads to taking more things or for some, side effects. I get that we need help and prescription drugs are said to be “safe” if taking the right dosage but I have some issues with taking drugs. 

1.) Not being able to just stop the drug, you have to be taken off of it slowly, this is what is told. That if you just quit taking it, that could cause serious side effects. 

2.) side effects, which no one needs. At times you are given another drug for the side effects. 

3.) dependence, becoming depended on whatever drug and feeling sick if you don’t have it. 

4.) What if it stops working. Then you have to be put on something new in hopes it will work as good. 

5.) Solution, feels like a never ending cycle. 

The point I’m trying to make is, shouldn’t you be able to live a drug-free life. Why is it that the right solution is always taking some kind of drug. I know it is a debatable issue and I am not knocking that drugs help some people. 

My opinion is mostly based on watching someone close to me go through the stages of finding what works. My entirely life I’ve watched my mom go through the struggles of major depression and her having the prescribed drugs from her doctor that she used to overdose on attempting to commit suicide. I won’t get into how damaging that was for me to watch and thinking I would lose my mom forever. Years later, her still going to a therapist and psychologist and it’s still the same. The scary part about it all is that without the drugs she gives up, without the drugs it’s like an addict going cold-turkey. She doesn’t want to have to take all the medicine but she truly believes if she stops, that is it, she won’t be able to make it. Even with the drugs she still has very down days and worries, still has suicidal thoughts but maybe not as much. 

Everyone is different and I understand that people cope in ways that they can to be able to function and make it day to day. 

The sad truth is that we can’t even depend on being truly healthy by eating fruits and vegetables. Our food being sprayed with chemicals and so forth. We can’t trust anything theses days, even our drinking water. No matter what we do we are programmed to be damaged. 

We have products being made to be a solution to all that. Stating that they are natural and that is what we gravitate towards and we invest all our money into it and there are many testimonies about how they all work and help fix problems. Still I see it as being depended on something. 

People have to work towards being able to live there life without the help of something extra. 

Think about the steps of how a garden grows. The dirt, the seeds, and you allow nature to take it course with sunlight and rain. You don’t have to do anything special but tend to it. It will grow without any chemicals, so shouldn’t your body be able to do the same? 

Everyone isn’t able to grow there on fruits and vegetables but knowing that maybe at a farmers market you can trust they don’t use any chemicals to grow. If you eat fresh fruits and vegetables, get you some sunshine and drink clean water, shouldn’t it be that easy? Why isn’t it? 

What is the root of the problem? 

Find Your Comfort 

Always remember that Jesus himself went through pain. He had been where you are and been through more pain than you could endure, ten times over. You Your never alone in this journey. I know it’s not easy and you want to give up but you must keep going. As long as you are waken up or maybe you never went to sleep, as long as you still have breath inside you; you must keep going. Your pain is not the end, your pain is an eye opener. 


Like Paul some of us are reminded every day that we are in constant pain and some of us can find the positive outlook on it, while others see it has a curse/touture. 


Mentally you must be strong, even when your body is weak, fore when the body is weak so can it trigger negative thoughts that cause you to fall right into all the discomforts in life. 

You must Find Your Comfort in the pain. Don’t just live with it and accept it, you must continue to find the root of it all. Is your pain as is the thorn in Paul? Are you accepting it to better yourself? Or have you accepted that your life was meant to be full of pain? 

Better yourself, your life, the smallest to the largest of things that need working on. This is the time to face truths that you’ve been lying to yourself about for years. What is God trying to change about you? Or in you/your life? 

Find Your Comfort… if it’s in your pajamas, then you proudly wear them and don’t feel guilty or worry about what others think. You have to think of yourself now. You are the one enduring the pain, not them. True friends and family that truly love you, will be right by your side and won’t judge you. Anyone who looks down on you, is not for you. Keep people around that allow you to feel peace, happiness and tranquility. 

Most importantly have people around you that motivate you to be a better you. Remember that you won’t see a difference unless you try. The pain may be there always, so if you’re going to hurt anyways, you might as well do what you enjoy. At least then you have a reason to why you’re in pain. Find Your Comfort. 




Day of Newness

January 13,2014

“Every day is a new day –
a day for new beginnings, new dreams, new action -a day for challenge, adventure, and discovery.”

Day of Newness

Feeling pretty good this morning after getting “deep” sleep last night. The start of my 3rd week of working out and I’m feeling strong, I did 35 minutes on the treadmill reaching one mile under the 30 minute mark, my finish time was 1.45 miles. After leaving out the gym I walked a bit then something in me said jog, so I was just going to jog right to my apartment which is a short distance, but still my mind told me to jog once I reached the sidewalk in front of my apartment building I kept going, following the sidewalk all the way around the other side to a dead end. It felt good and it was a very proud moment for me. Turned around walked and then sprinted to my apartment door. After my heart rated calmed down and I was at rest, a smile came upon my face, I was just smiling. I thought to myself, “wow I’m happy.” With myself I feel nothing but joy in my heart right now for me.

Isaiah 40:31 – “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.”

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” – Dale Carnegie

“You don’t need a reason to be happy,
just a choice.”- Jonathan Lockwood

My morning ended well, with my afternoon beginning and ending with sleep. Body is at a peaceful state even with aches here and there, NEVERTHELESS it could be worst so I’m thankful to feel as good as I do.

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