We are WildFlowers

Posts tagged ‘Sick and Tired’

The Root of It All

How long did it take you to figure out what to change in your life to help make you feel better?

I am still on the journey of trying to figure out what to eat, what not to eat. How does my body react to things. I’m lost and I can’t keep track. Every time I think I know, I don’t really have it. That alone is exhausting.

Being in so much discomfort and pain. You don’t want to take away everything you love. I want to be able to have those things that just make me happy, but I don’t know if those things are keeping me from being stuck in this never ending cycle.

Lately I’ve been so stressed which is not good. Random things keep happening as they always do but I’m never ready or looking forward to. For example: I’m sitting up in bed legs crisscrossed “indian style” I unfold them and notice my right foot is going numb, like it’s fallen asleep it’s tingling. Within seconds of me noticing that the same feeling moves up my entire leg and thigh. I’m freaking out because it feels weird, uncomfortable and I don’t know what’s about to happen next. What if I lose all feeing or can’t walk. I took off whatever clothing I had on just to feel free and I laid back and tried to relax. The feeling goes away at some point but I’ve never had that feeling go up my leg like that and especially with me just sitting on the bed.

I’m like I have to be mindful of so much that I do and that is one reason why I choose not to go to every family event of go everywhere in general because I’m just concerned of what or how my body may react to be being out.

Right now I have a toe that had been bothering me since yesterday and it feel the bone of the toe or joint hurts.

I’m so exhausted trying to live a life that I feel is trying to kill me. I can’t seem to get much of anything that is important to me done. My hands keep aching, I have to take breaks for that along with the fact I’m not sleeping well so I have to sleep when my body allows me to. Well I should say mind and body allows me to. Mostly by He time I fall asleep and wake up the day is almost over and I’m trying to get in as much as I can before it’s time for me to try and fall asleep again like a “normal” person.

Oh!!! I almost forgot another reason I haven’t been sleeping is because my skin as been itching so bad. I’m feeling things on me, feeing little pricks and stings. I feel like I’m losing my mind. Then seem like every time I get to sleeping really good, I have to get up to pee. 🤦‍♀️ trying to find balance of cold and hot is another struggle.

Of course I could go on and on…. I just don’t know if I will ever have this all figured out.

All I know is keeping negativity away and saying NO when I can’t and don’t want to do something right go somewhere. Making myself laugh more and putting time and energy into myself.

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When Will it End

Hello, WildFlowers

I hope that you all are feeling better than I am today.

I am just coming down from having a cold. Still dealing with that a bit. Dealing with phlegm in my throat causing me to gag and be nauseous. The other day my back starts hurting. I feel the pain when I cough mostly. Also I’ve been feeling dizziness, spinning kind of feeling since the 3rd.

Today has been so weird for me. I’ve gotten used to my body doing unexplainable things but today seemed new and different. Woke up around, I can’t even remember now what time it was. Anyways, I’m sitting up on the bed and my legs are getting that “falling asleep” feeling. Almost feeling numb and not the first time this has happened maybe the second. Then lying back down I still feel this way. In my legs down to my toes.

I also feel trembling in my body which is nothing new. Heart is racing and I’m used to that, I’m trying to calm down. Try to relax but I can’t. The only other thing to do than nothing is sleeping. I can’t relax enough to even close my eyes. I hadn’t ate all day and it’s around 6pm. So with no one to ask I have to just get up and do this myself. I make a salad and as I stand things don’t feel right at all. My hands are literally trembling. I haven’t felt trembling in my hands like this before. Holding something, I could feel it shaking. If I didn’t focus on holding it and hurry to put it down I may dropped everything I was carrying.

I didn’t feel right eating but it made the trembling stop a bit. I drunk some ginger ale and then continued to sip on water.

I spoke to my mom to tell her how I was feeling just in case. When I began to talk I noticed I felt like I almost could get my words out. That freaked me out for sure, almost started to cry but held back my tears.

Ive been so worried about getting the flu, hearing about the death count on the news has me freaking out. I worried about having a stroke or heart attack. It’s crazy. I’m trying not to make myself worse with worrying. The weather keeps changing outside. Due to the fact I live in my aunt house right now, I don’t have control over the temperature in the house. It’s an older house so I’m sure the air flow in here isn’t that great. I’m always feeling as if I’m suffocating. Hot, cold, cold, hot is what I deal with.

It’s now going on 8:30pm and I still feel numbness in my toes. Aching in my legs. It’s crazy I feel like my entire body feels like a numbness, or heaviness.

Of course having anxiety, is making it that much more difficult to relax. I’m doing my best. I’m about to survive another day though.

Peace & Love.

Edge of the Cliff

Hi, WildFlowers

Hope you all are feeling better than me today. Today I feel so sad, crying and I’m tired. I’m tired and I haven’t even done anything. I don’t even feel like trying to explain what I’m feeling in my body right now. All day long. It’s been a tough few months. Day after day. When the new day starts I’m woke, when the day is moving along I am still, in bed trying to get sleep. By night fall I’m wide awoke again most of the time. There are times that I stay up and try to keep myself busy but with the proper rest, I feel sick.

I feel like nothing I eat or drink agrees with me. To be honest I really don’t want to eat anymore. I try to go as long as I can and not eat. I’m tried of drinking and going to the bathroom. I guess I’m just tried of what is called my life.

One of the most frustrating things are, when you’ve told your family and friends you have fibromyalgia, you have told them all the symptoms even printed them out for them to see and read. Constantly talking about it and explaining. Then when you don’t feel well and they ask what’s wrong, you tell them what you’re feeling and they ask you why are you feeling that way or what did you do. Oh how crazy it is you feel that way etc…

In that moment I feel as if no one cares and of course no one understands. The crap just happens and I don’t know why. It’s like they don’t care to keep that information in their head of What fibromyalgia does to someone. They have no clue.

No one wants to hear about how I feel but then they tell me about their aches and pains as if their pain is more relevant than mine. Don’t forget about the age. People older feel they have a right to feel the way they do and wonder what’s my reason or how, why, would be aching and joints popping, I’m too young to be feeling that way etc…

Every Morning

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Fibromyalgia never seems to disappoint, does it. Every morning or whatever time it is,(morning somewhere) when I wake up I feel sick. Yes straight up sick.
In my body can feel everything that I did yesterday and up to the point of me finally falling asleep. If I aye to much of something, used my hands too much, moved a certain way too much, like simple up and down, from a chair, bed, couch or car. Whatever was done the day before I feel it in the morning.
I feel like I’m going to vomit, I try my best to prevent myself from gagging, because it can hurt terribly.
The thing now is my back hurting all day, every day, doesn’t like any position I choose to lay, sit or sometimes stand. It feels like it did after I fell directly on my back at a job I used to have. The doctor said other was broken, but it was some swelling, and I may have back spasms from time to time. Luckily the last few days I haven’t had any spasms, right some luck huh for me to be excited about that. Okay let me move on, before my luck runs out, I just felt a little something.y body knows I’m talking about it.)

I feel exhausted, and it can be heard in my voice, along with trembles. But only someone that pays close attention to me can notice I don’t sound that well. Most of the time it never matters, people don’t see the sickness and tiredness, and ask me to do this and that. I try to stay in bed or just in the bedroom as long as I can.
I’m sore and aching all over, but as always I have to be the strong one, and take care of others. My husband is sick right now, “the real sick”, the kind of sick that people recognize. So I’m up at 7am warming up chicken soup and squeezing fresh orange juice, because he can’t eat soup without juice and we only had oranges. So being a good wife I did it (sickness and health right)

And maybe it’s my fault that I don’t get this same kind of treatment, I’m not sure but I like my food and stuff done a certain way so it would probably be a waste of his time to try and be my nurse. (LOL)

It’s rainy outside, (pouring down rain) it’s going to be one of those days.

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Misunderstood Changes

August 18, 2014

Misunderstood

I will never understand how I can go from being so energetic, to barely being able to walk. I never know how long it will last; days, weeks. Starting yesterday, maybe a little before then, I’ve started to feel very low; sick even.

I’m so tired to the point, when I get up, I ask myself, “Why did I get up?” I do things around the house, I do things that need to be done. But when it comes to certain things I be unsure, I already went out am didn’t want to for my nephew birthday, but I had to see him. Now today there’s a get together for my grandmother, and you know I would never hear the end of that if I don’t go. But I already have something planned for tomorrow; eat in the morning. Getting anxiety just thinking about how tired I’m going to be, and there’s no telling what my body is going to do. My hands already have been giving me trouble.

It’s so frustrating because my family doesn’t know, doesn’t understand, knows but feel if they can do it I should be able to, or they think I’m being lazy and just don’t want to do shit.

Right now my neck on left side is bothering me, my right arm is aching, I have a deep paper-cut on my right middle finger, my jaws ache, feet cramping, body feels heavy. I can’t get comfortable. [very sleepy] just can’t fall asleep.

7:33am and I am still not ready for the day to begin, I feel just the same as late last night and from early this morning; maybe even worst. [want to just sleep] [cant do anything]
I FEEL SICK!

I decide to just call my grandmother and wish her a happy birthday and she seemed very happy and pleased. I just didn’t want to go an end up falling asleep, or having to try and hide my pain; pretending I’m ok.

My husband is sick [stopped up] and I’m going back and forth to the bathroom [stomach upset] I have to try and fall asleep tonight, I have to wake up very early in the morning.

It’s just one of those days; more like one of those weeks.

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