If only we could remove what was hurting us, some would be nothing but a much of body parts.
Wanting to remove my left leg and thigh from my body like a doll. Aching right where the thigh connects to the hip. Aching and stiffness in leg, down to my foot that keeps having a sharp pain, cramping and aching. I forgot about aching in my knee.
As I sit here trying to explain, it’s difficult thinking about all the different aches I’m feeling right now. It makes me sad to focus on it, even though I’m feeling it and can’t stop thinking about it because I can’t help but feel it. It has not gotten in easier trying to explain to someone how I feel.
How do you sum it up into a few words?
I go through moods of wanting to tell people how I’m feeling but feel as if I’m complaining and rather not share.
I woke up Monday morning with my right thumb hurting. I’m right handed and I use my hands a lot. The one thing I’ve been doing mostly that brought on this pain in my thumb is knitting.
This pain was new to me. I found myself trying to figure out if it was Carpal tunnel syndrome or early signs of Rheumatoid arthritis. Could it just be inflammation?
All my issues have been with my legs down to my feet. That alone was having me worry. I’ve had some issues with my hands before in the past but it has been in my fingers. To have it move to my thumb now was just, I don’t know, something else to add to the list.
The first time I had an terrible experience with my hands was with carrying a basket of clothes. I was at a apartment complex, no car, so I carried it from the apartment to the laundry building which wasn’t that far but wasn’t right around the corner either. I got inside the building and placed the basket down. Once I put it down I realize my fingers are stuck, curved in the position they were in when holding onto the basket. I start to panic a bit but luckily my husband was with me at the time. As soon as he walked in I was like, “I can’t unbend my fingers, my hands are stuck. Help me get them unstuck.”
My husband grabbed my hands one by one and kind of massaged them and they started to relax and I could move them again. I was so thankful that he was with me that day because I have no idea how long I would’ve been like that if I was alone, because I would’ve been freaking completely out and unable to relax.
That moment scared me and I knew my life was going to be full of these surprises forever now. The older I get I feel the less control I have of it.
Hope you all are feeling better than me today. Today I feel so sad, crying and I’m tired. I’m tired and I haven’t even done anything. I don’t even feel like trying to explain what I’m feeling in my body right now. All day long. It’s been a tough few months. Day after day. When the new day starts I’m woke, when the day is moving along I am still, in bed trying to get sleep. By night fall I’m wide awoke again most of the time. There are times that I stay up and try to keep myself busy but with the proper rest, I feel sick.
I feel like nothing I eat or drink agrees with me. To be honest I really don’t want to eat anymore. I try to go as long as I can and not eat. I’m tried of drinking and going to the bathroom. I guess I’m just tried of what is called my life.
One of the most frustrating things are, when you’ve told your family and friends you have fibromyalgia, you have told them all the symptoms even printed them out for them to see and read. Constantly talking about it and explaining. Then when you don’t feel well and they ask what’s wrong, you tell them what you’re feeling and they ask you why are you feeling that way or what did you do. Oh how crazy it is you feel that way etc…
In that moment I feel as if no one cares and of course no one understands. The crap just happens and I don’t know why. It’s like they don’t care to keep that information in their head of What fibromyalgia does to someone. They have no clue.
No one wants to hear about how I feel but then they tell me about their aches and pains as if their pain is more relevant than mine. Don’t forget about the age. People older feel they have a right to feel the way they do and wonder what’s my reason or how, why, would be aching and joints popping, I’m too young to be feeling that way etc…
February 4, 2014
Do For You
I sit and think, “Am I doing this for myself?” If not for the influence of things and people around me, would I really me putting so much into whatever. The thing for me today is wearing high heel shoes…
Do any you still wear high heel shoes? Or have you ever?
I’ve never been the type to wear heels a lot, but I do have to admit they make me feel more feminine, due to the fact I’m not that “girly” jeans, t-shirt & sneakers kind of girl. Anyways to my point, every time I put heels on they give my legs a total workout. All my weight is going onto ball of my feet (my poor toes) and I feel “sexy” and all but don’t know if its even worth it. Afterwards I end up with aching legs and feet the rest of the day & night. My feet and legs still aching right now.
Is this a good workout for my calves & legs?
Or is it doing damage?
Should I put myself thru the torture of trying to get used to it?
My husband said put them on everyday inside and walk around in them until I get used to them. (Advice from someone who doesn’t have Fibro) smh
I let him know that my feet hurts even in sneakers, but these heels hurt worst. I like heels but I am mostly doing it for him because I know he loves it. But I just don’t know.
I know that my husband really loves seeing a woman in heels, so I wanted to do it mostly for him and too get his attention, but I’ve done that a lot in my life. Pleasing others before myself, so I have to do it for me, what’s best for me, is being me. And if that means sticking to my sneakers then so be it. But it never hurts throwing those heels on for a few minutes and just admiring myself. Learning to do things for yourself and not thinking about others first, is very though to do when you’re not a selfish person. Another day; another lesson.