365 Days of Fibromyalgia

Posts tagged ‘Unable to work’

What Do You Do

August 4, 2014

What Do You Do?

I dislike this question because I yet have figured out an answer.
What do people want to hear, I ask myself every time someone ask me what I do. I don’t have some special career to tell them about. I didn’t go to college, and the technical college I went to I did not finish, but still owe student loans.
I have worked nine different jobs, been a assistant manger, yet the fact that I’m not working now bothers other people. They don’t have to pay my bills and I’m not asking them for anything, but they have so much to say about my life of what I’m doing and not doing.
Many speak of me not having money to buy myself things or do what I want, but I am not materialistic.

ma·te·ri·al·is·tic
məˌti(ə)rēəˈlistik/
adjective
adjective: materialistic
excessively concerned with material possessions; money-oriented.
“we’re living in a highly materialistic society”
synonyms: consumerist, acquisitive, greedy.

Many have something to say about my reasons and they compare there body aches and pains to mine. They say they feel this and that but still have to do what they do. But they fail to realize I am doing what I need to do; for myself. I have a list of problems and all the money in the world isn’t going to solve them. Everything is a temporary fix, no matter what I do, it’s solely up to me to fight my battle the way I need to fight it.

Everyone has there own reasons and wants for what and why they do things. People work because there is no other choice, or they enjoy what they do, they love money, they have a family to support etc… My point is; I have another choice at the moment and I’m trying to feel better and not work myself into an early grave. We all have things we are good at, and working on someone’s else’s time has never been my forte. I march to the beat of my own drum.
Heart related illnesses runs strong in my family, I have high blood pressure and my anxiety I think makes my heart rate worse, I checked my BP last night and it was 166/118 pulse 94, this is on a every day mostly and sometimes can get higher. And along with Chronic fatigue and Fibromyalgia and all the symptoms that come along with that, I AM NOT BEING LAZY! I’m just trying to make it through to the next day.

I want to be able to be proud to answer the question by saying I’m a writer, but of course people then want to know what money have you made from it. ITS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY! I may not have a career job writing for a magazine or network or anything like that but I enjoy it, and believe its a gift God has given me.

To say I am a writer, but I don’t have a job; that makes me sad. But I can’t allow others opinions to worry me and stress me out. Just maybe I’m not the one with the flaw, they are.

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Living and Surviving

July 1, 2014

Living and Surviving

When it rains; it pours. It’s been a tough time theses last couple of months. When there’s only one person working in a household and there is a drop in the income, it’s nothing you can do but downsize.

Living with a illness that affects your mind and body it’s hard to live with but even harder trying to survive. I don’t know where I would be or what I would do without my husband being a provider for the both of us. He understands but I feel worthless, I have applied to some jobs but no luck. I’ve been out of work for years and I really don’t know if my health is getting any better. I just want to live but how can one live; if you’re working to survive.

My husbands working a full time and part time job, so to make up for the lost income but now it’s too late and we have to move from where we are and owning money here at a apartment is stopping us from renting somewhere else. We have a hopeful choice that we’re waiting to hear back from, so I pray we can get it.

Times like this makes me wish I had some big time career and making enough money to handle situations like this. I don’t even have disability, and can’t waste time on that because I don’t even have a doctor. What good am I?

But as husband and wife we ate in this together, but I’m tired of trying to survive; I want to live.

Father God we need a miracle, please help us out of this hole we are in. You have always provided us with sheather, allow someone to be a true blessing to us. I pray to you today Lord because every blessing that has come our way has turned on us and is not an option any longer. Please help us figure this all out God in Jesus name Amen.

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