No matter how I feel, I seem not to be doing that bad in the eyes of others.
“Oh you’re be alright.”
It is sad and frustrating that I realized tonight, that maybe I’m doing exactly what I’m meant to do. Even though I feel I’m not doing enough, or not doing what others want me to do. I’m not doing anything that pays out enough money for me to survive.
“You do it so well.”
My mom is sick, upper respiratory infection. She has this really bad cough and a wheezing. Already been to the hospital and got prescriptions filled so I hope she will feel better sooner than later. I don’t feel good myself. I started coughing yesterday and I couldn’t believe it. I have never or I can’t remember ever having a cough like I have right now. Along with my period being on, I feel like crap and I’m trying not to be emotional.
My mom asked me if I would fix your something to eat and get her something else to drink. Deep down I wanted to say no I don’t feel like it but I didn’t. I went and got it done. I started to cry because I realized that no matter how I feel, this is what I do.
The things I do, if I didn’t do these things, who would?
Then I realized if I didn’t have my husband right now making the income, then I would have to do that as well, along with the things I already do. Of course I would like to think I would not have to, but it wouldn’t matter. No one would care I worked 8 hours or how much. It would be sayings like, “You younger than me.” Etc…
No one cares how I feel. I will be alright and I don’t do anything anyways right, so I shouldn’t be tired.
If I could just disappear when I feel like this, that would be nice.