I woke up Monday morning with my right thumb hurting. I’m right handed and I use my hands a lot. The one thing I’ve been doing mostly that brought on this pain in my thumb is knitting.
This pain was new to me. I found myself trying to figure out if it was Carpal tunnel syndrome or early signs of Rheumatoid arthritis. Could it just be inflammation?
All my issues have been with my legs down to my feet. That alone was having me worry. I’ve had some issues with my hands before in the past but it has been in my fingers. To have it move to my thumb now was just, I don’t know, something else to add to the list.
The first time I had an terrible experience with my hands was with carrying a basket of clothes. I was at a apartment complex, no car, so I carried it from the apartment to the laundry building which wasn’t that far but wasn’t right around the corner either. I got inside the building and placed the basket down. Once I put it down I realize my fingers are stuck, curved in the position they were in when holding onto the basket. I start to panic a bit but luckily my husband was with me at the time. As soon as he walked in I was like, “I can’t unbend my fingers, my hands are stuck. Help me get them unstuck.”
My husband grabbed my hands one by one and kind of massaged them and they started to relax and I could move them again. I was so thankful that he was with me that day because I have no idea how long I would’ve been like that if I was alone, because I would’ve been freaking completely out and unable to relax.
That moment scared me and I knew my life was going to be full of these surprises forever now. The older I get I feel the less control I have of it.
Monday I started a new exercise routine that I felt would be easy enough for me to do and I could keep it up. Tuesday came and I was very sore, to the point I was walking like tin-man. I decided I would rest one day then get back to the next and keep this pattern going.
All day Tuesday I was sore and felt like this was going to be a total failure again. While in bed sleep thinking about Wednesday, I was creating excuses in my head. All night through early morning, as I get in and out of bed to use the bathroom, I’m so sore and I just know I won’t be able to do any kind of workout.
I’m thinking that just getting up out of bed is good enough. Walking around to get stuff done is good enough. I want to lie in bed and let my body not be sore anymore. Truth is though my body might never not be sore, I would be waiting forever.
That point came when I was ready to get up and I made me some ice coffee, took some vitamins and I seemed to be walking a little easier, I was still feeling sore but I felt I could definitely move around.
I put my sneakers on and played some music and got started. I did my exercise and I’m proud of myself for not giving in to my excuses.
I don’t know if I’m the only one who has put on extra pounds since the symptoms of fibromyalgia kicked in. Over the past years I’ve tried, done my best to keep a workout routine and I always end up finding reasons to stop, other than the pain. I get really bored and of course not having someone to workout with, but not having someone with the same energy, attitude, and of course someone that I really like.
To other people I may not look any different and I’ve never been a skinny or slim person but I see and feel the difference. It was not just the number on the scale that bothered me. Recently my knees have been bothering me to the point I sometimes feel they will give out on me. It started with my left, and sometimes it’s my right knee. The ache or pain catches me off guard and I have to catch myself as if my leg is giving out. My breathing has gotten heavier and I give out of breath easier. If that wasn’t enough. One morning I wake up and I see my stomach, I notice streach marks on my stomach! I have not had any babies so I should not have streach marks on my stomach. I knew I had gained weight but not to that point. At this point I’m telling myself the same thing I’ve always told myself, you have to do something about this. Having depression and anxiety both make it difficult to find motivation to do anything. Clothes have gotten tighter, everything is uncomfortable and I refuse to go up a size. I will get back to where I was and hopefully go down a size.
Okay I’m rambling on, I’ll get to the point of this post. I came across this video on YouTube and the guy doing the video was a little comical which caught my attention, but also the fact it seemed easy enough. I told myself I would try it.
When I woke this morning feeling like doing nothing. Throat seemed swollen and sore. I’m trying not to gag. I had my cup of coffee then endured brushing my teeth without gagging up a lung. Afterwards, I don’t know what came over me. I made the choice in my head that I was going to try this workout. So I did.
Ok everyone I had the slowest moment in history, dumbest mistake. I get started with the workout. I open the clock app on my phone and set timer for 30 seconds but I do not look at the other columns and hit the start button and I begin to walk as fast as I can back and forth. I’m thinking to myself this is the longest 30 seconds ever, it shouldn’t be taking this long. I keep going and going. Finally the alarm sounds and I look down and I see why it took so long. It was set to 15 minutes and 30 seconds. I couldn’t believe I had did this to myself. My mind could not register that I needed to stop because it was wrong. I had a second or two when I knew something wasn’t right but my mind could not figure out why. That makes me sad and I feel like I’m losing the function to comprehend but on the positive side of things, I got a nice workout. I finished up the right way. I was to do the quick workout four times but since I had added that 15 minutes to it, I figured I would say I had done enough for now.
https://youtu.be/Zsr3LDkbM0M (here’s the link to the video)
Put Your Blinders On
As I took a walk this morning, a thought came to mind. With my huge headphones on, like two big buns on my ears. They were like blinders, and as the music played, it kept me going straight. I focused on the task at hand. Just like a horse in a race, with blinders, it can only see straight ahead.
Soon I noticed that I was moving at a faster pace and the finish point didn’t seem that long.
“I’m going to finish this mile in no time.”
I said to myself.
I wonder why I can’t mentally get to this point everyday though, it’s like I shut down. But I have to find that drive again, if I want change and want to feel and see change in my body. I did it once, so I know it’s possible, but, I have to stop having buts and just keep in my mind all the reasons why I need to just do it.
I want to finish this race and I want to finish strong.
Lord you woke me up this morning, I’m still here, I know I need to do better, I need to do more. I will and I am.
August 11, 2014
Today it was a little difficult getting up, I wanted to keep lying in bed, but I have told myself to stick with my plan and I’m trying to do that. I checked the weather and I know I didn’t to get up and get outside before it got hot or rained. It was the perfect time to get out, so I took a deep breath and told myself to get up, go ahead and do this. I got up and since I was just waking up and wasn’t hungry, I took some fruits out the fridge and mixed up a smoothie. I drank it while I took my walk, when I made it back around to the house I was at one mile and took the cup inside and kept going.
I don’t know what got into me today, but I just didn’t want to stop. At the same time I didn’t want to over do it. I went around twice today and it feels amazing. When I reached the other half of the circle the song A Little More Jesus played in my ear and gave me that extra push I needed to keep going. Before reaching my end point I saw a beautiful bright colored yellow and black butterfly. The perfect ending to my walk.
MOVING MONDAY! I DID IT!
August 9, 2014
A Rainy Day
Most rainy days I seem to end up kind of down/sad, but today was much different. I have been walking every other day and today was my day to take my walk around the neighborhood, but it had been raining all morning.
I had woke up and took awhile before I decided that I wasn’t going to allow a wet day stop me from keeping my goal. It had stopped raining, but by the time I got dressed it started back up. The rain was coming down quite a bit but still I went out and decided I would cut my walk short, because it started to rain harder as I got further.
I may not have did one mile today but it was close enough. I am proud of myself for even going out.
My legs were burning and aching so badly as I walked but as the the rain fell down on me; I felt free, I felt determined. It was something very peaceful about it.
RAIN WON’T STOP ME.