We are WildFlowers

Posts tagged ‘Frustrated’

Edge of the Cliff

Hi, WildFlowers

Hope you all are feeling better than me today. Today I feel so sad, crying and I’m tired. I’m tired and I haven’t even done anything. I don’t even feel like trying to explain what I’m feeling in my body right now. All day long. It’s been a tough few months. Day after day. When the new day starts I’m woke, when the day is moving along I am still, in bed trying to get sleep. By night fall I’m wide awoke again most of the time. There are times that I stay up and try to keep myself busy but with the proper rest, I feel sick.

I feel like nothing I eat or drink agrees with me. To be honest I really don’t want to eat anymore. I try to go as long as I can and not eat. I’m tried of drinking and going to the bathroom. I guess I’m just tried of what is called my life.

One of the most frustrating things are, when you’ve told your family and friends you have fibromyalgia, you have told them all the symptoms even printed them out for them to see and read. Constantly talking about it and explaining. Then when you don’t feel well and they ask what’s wrong, you tell them what you’re feeling and they ask you why are you feeling that way or what did you do. Oh how crazy it is you feel that way etc…

In that moment I feel as if no one cares and of course no one understands. The crap just happens and I don’t know why. It’s like they don’t care to keep that information in their head of What fibromyalgia does to someone. They have no clue.

No one wants to hear about how I feel but then they tell me about their aches and pains as if their pain is more relevant than mine. Don’t forget about the age. People older feel they have a right to feel the way they do and wonder what’s my reason or how, why, would be aching and joints popping, I’m too young to be feeling that way etc…

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A Normal Day…

Hello my WildFlowers, how are you all? 

My day has been, being uncomfortable starting early this morning, no last night. Lately I have been becoming hot more often and sweating, even cold sweats when it’s cool. The temperature has changed outside but now my body is used to it being cool inside from the air conditioner but of course it would be crazy to have it still on now. The ceiling fan seemed to not be doing much. Every room in the house seems like a different temperature. 

Today I was smelling something and could not figure out where it was coming from but it was bothering me. I think I found it and that was a relief. 

Then I felt crawling on my legs. The hair has grown back slightly and I think ok let me shave it will be better, wrong. After shaving, my legs are stinging/itching I’m about to rip my legs off. I quickly turn on the shower and get in. Ok now some relief. 

Now to figure out what to put on or to not put on. I’m in the bedroom I’ve chosen to open the window to cool the room off and hopefully help make me more comfortable. Should I close or leave the door open? I find something to put on that won’t irritate my skin too much and I kept the door open. My legs are still itching a bit but I don’t know if I want to put any lotion on or anything because it may irritate me even more. 

Overall I have myself situated at this point and I’m somewhat at peace. It’s quiet in the house, I’m cool and comfortable. 

It’s been a normal day for me full of my personal issues. 

No Matter How I Feel 

No matter how I feel, I seem not to be doing that bad in the eyes of others. 

“Oh you’re be alright.” 

It is sad and frustrating that I realized tonight, that maybe I’m doing exactly what I’m meant to do. Even though I feel I’m not doing enough, or not doing what others want me to do. I’m not doing anything that pays out enough money for me to survive. 

“You do it so well.”

My mom is sick, upper respiratory infection. She has this really bad cough and a wheezing. Already been to the hospital and got prescriptions filled so I hope she will feel better sooner than later. I don’t feel good myself. I started coughing yesterday and I couldn’t believe it. I have never or I can’t remember ever having a cough like I have right now. Along with my period being on, I feel like crap and I’m trying not to be emotional. 
My mom asked me if I would fix your something to eat and get her something else to drink. Deep down I wanted to say no I don’t feel like it but I didn’t. I went and got it done. I started to cry because I realized that no matter how I feel, this is what I do.

 

The things I do, if I didn’t do these things, who would? 


Then I realized if I didn’t have my husband right now making the income, then I would have to do that as well, along with the things I already do. Of course I would like to think I would not have to, but it wouldn’t matter. No one would care I worked 8 hours or how much. It would be sayings like, “You younger than me.” Etc… 
No one cares how I feel. I will be alright and I don’t do anything anyways right, so I shouldn’t be tired. 
If I could just disappear when I feel like this, that would be nice. 

Beyond Social Media

February 12, 2014

Beyond Social Media

Speak Up

I have read about the celebrities with fibromyalgia and most all of them stopped working then was able to start back. That’s wonderful, we all if lucky are able to love our life but it hurts. And I get the pressure of being a spokesperson but come on, know one pressured people to be spokesperson to other illnesses. And it’s not about being a spokesperson more than its sad that we have to settle for what it is. Like it’s just life everything works differently for everyone. I’m getting to the point that awareness is pointless. Sure if I was a big star on tv or movie actor, a singer, musician or something Maybe I too wouldn’t speak about it, and make it so much of my life. I get that they are more than that, we all are more than Fibro. None of us asked for this shit. I know if I was well known I would proudly be the spokesperson.
How about we just do like they did back in the day, not talk about what we had. Hide our sickness and then slowly everyone may see us become sick. I’m tired of being a joke, tired of people not thinking its a real thing. Tired of people being able to fake this, like if they only knew that NO ONE CAN FAKE THIS! IF YOU HAVE IT YOU HAVE IT. AND THEY FOR DAM SURE WOULDN’T WANT TO HAVE IT.
Oh how I wish I could, I would put my face to it and try to make more out of awareness; than just talking about it.
I am frustrated a bit and upset, bit this is just my opinion and how I feel. How can I be ashamed of something that I’ve had for years of my life, how can I not add that to my accomplishments. I have survived everyday of my life with pain.

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