365 Days of Fibromyalgia

Posts tagged ‘Frustrated’

No Matter How I FeelĀ 

No matter how I feel, I seem not to be doing that bad in the eyes of others. 

“Oh you’re be alright.” 

It is sad and frustrating that I realized tonight, that maybe I’m doing exactly what I’m meant to do. Even though I feel I’m not doing enough, or not doing what others want me to do. I’m not doing anything that pays out enough money for me to survive. 

“You do it so well.”

My mom is sick, upper respiratory infection. She has this really bad cough and a wheezing. Already been to the hospital and got prescriptions filled so I hope she will feel better sooner than later. I don’t feel good myself. I started coughing yesterday and I couldn’t believe it. I have never or I can’t remember ever having a cough like I have right now. Along with my period being on, I feel like crap and I’m trying not to be emotional. 
My mom asked me if I would fix your something to eat and get her something else to drink. Deep down I wanted to say no I don’t feel like it but I didn’t. I went and got it done. I started to cry because I realized that no matter how I feel, this is what I do.


The things I do, if I didn’t do these things, who would? 

Then I realized if I didn’t have my husband right now making the income, then I would have to do that as well, along with the things I already do. Of course I would like to think I would not have to, but it wouldn’t matter. No one would care I worked 8 hours or how much. It would be sayings like, “You younger than me.” Etc… 
No one cares how I feel. I will be alright and I don’t do anything anyways right, so I shouldn’t be tired. 
If I could just disappear when I feel like this, that would be nice. 


Beyond Social Media

February 12, 2014

Beyond Social Media

Speak Up

I have read about the celebrities with fibromyalgia and most all of them stopped working then was able to start back. That’s wonderful, we all if lucky are able to love our life but it hurts. And I get the pressure of being a spokesperson but come on, know one pressured people to be spokesperson to other illnesses. And it’s not about being a spokesperson more than its sad that we have to settle for what it is. Like it’s just life everything works differently for everyone. I’m getting to the point that awareness is pointless. Sure if I was a big star on tv or movie actor, a singer, musician or something Maybe I too wouldn’t speak about it, and make it so much of my life. I get that they are more than that, we all are more than Fibro. None of us asked for this shit. I know if I was well known I would proudly be the spokesperson.
How about we just do like they did back in the day, not talk about what we had. Hide our sickness and then slowly everyone may see us become sick. I’m tired of being a joke, tired of people not thinking its a real thing. Tired of people being able to fake this, like if they only knew that NO ONE CAN FAKE THIS! IF YOU HAVE IT YOU HAVE IT. AND THEY FOR DAM SURE WOULDN’T WANT TO HAVE IT.
Oh how I wish I could, I would put my face to it and try to make more out of awareness; than just talking about it.
I am frustrated a bit and upset, bit this is just my opinion and how I feel. How can I be ashamed of something that I’ve had for years of my life, how can I not add that to my accomplishments. I have survived everyday of my life with pain.

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