I hope that you all are feeling better than I am today.
I am just coming down from having a cold. Still dealing with that a bit. Dealing with phlegm in my throat causing me to gag and be nauseous. The other day my back starts hurting. I feel the pain when I cough mostly. Also I’ve been feeling dizziness, spinning kind of feeling since the 3rd.
Today has been so weird for me. I’ve gotten used to my body doing unexplainable things but today seemed new and different. Woke up around, I can’t even remember now what time it was. Anyways, I’m sitting up on the bed and my legs are getting that “falling asleep” feeling. Almost feeling numb and not the first time this has happened maybe the second. Then lying back down I still feel this way. In my legs down to my toes.
I also feel trembling in my body which is nothing new. Heart is racing and I’m used to that, I’m trying to calm down. Try to relax but I can’t. The only other thing to do than nothing is sleeping. I can’t relax enough to even close my eyes. I hadn’t ate all day and it’s around 6pm. So with no one to ask I have to just get up and do this myself. I make a salad and as I stand things don’t feel right at all. My hands are literally trembling. I haven’t felt trembling in my hands like this before. Holding something, I could feel it shaking. If I didn’t focus on holding it and hurry to put it down I may dropped everything I was carrying.
I didn’t feel right eating but it made the trembling stop a bit. I drunk some ginger ale and then continued to sip on water.
I spoke to my mom to tell her how I was feeling just in case. When I began to talk I noticed I felt like I almost could get my words out. That freaked me out for sure, almost started to cry but held back my tears.
Ive been so worried about getting the flu, hearing about the death count on the news has me freaking out. I worried about having a stroke or heart attack. It’s crazy. I’m trying not to make myself worse with worrying. The weather keeps changing outside. Due to the fact I live in my aunt house right now, I don’t have control over the temperature in the house. It’s an older house so I’m sure the air flow in here isn’t that great. I’m always feeling as if I’m suffocating. Hot, cold, cold, hot is what I deal with.
It’s now going on 8:30pm and I still feel numbness in my toes. Aching in my legs. It’s crazy I feel like my entire body feels like a numbness, or heaviness.
Of course having anxiety, is making it that much more difficult to relax. I’m doing my best. I’m about to survive another day though.
Peace & Love.
Hope you all are feeling better than me today. Today I feel so sad, crying and I’m tired. I’m tired and I haven’t even done anything. I don’t even feel like trying to explain what I’m feeling in my body right now. All day long. It’s been a tough few months. Day after day. When the new day starts I’m woke, when the day is moving along I am still, in bed trying to get sleep. By night fall I’m wide awoke again most of the time. There are times that I stay up and try to keep myself busy but with the proper rest, I feel sick.
I feel like nothing I eat or drink agrees with me. To be honest I really don’t want to eat anymore. I try to go as long as I can and not eat. I’m tried of drinking and going to the bathroom. I guess I’m just tried of what is called my life.
One of the most frustrating things are, when you’ve told your family and friends you have fibromyalgia, you have told them all the symptoms even printed them out for them to see and read. Constantly talking about it and explaining. Then when you don’t feel well and they ask what’s wrong, you tell them what you’re feeling and they ask you why are you feeling that way or what did you do. Oh how crazy it is you feel that way etc…
In that moment I feel as if no one cares and of course no one understands. The crap just happens and I don’t know why. It’s like they don’t care to keep that information in their head of What fibromyalgia does to someone. They have no clue.
No one wants to hear about how I feel but then they tell me about their aches and pains as if their pain is more relevant than mine. Don’t forget about the age. People older feel they have a right to feel the way they do and wonder what’s my reason or how, why, would be aching and joints popping, I’m too young to be feeling that way etc…
Hello my WildFlowers, how are you all?
My day has been, being uncomfortable starting early this morning, no last night. Lately I have been becoming hot more often and sweating, even cold sweats when it’s cool. The temperature has changed outside but now my body is used to it being cool inside from the air conditioner but of course it would be crazy to have it still on now. The ceiling fan seemed to not be doing much. Every room in the house seems like a different temperature.
Today I was smelling something and could not figure out where it was coming from but it was bothering me. I think I found it and that was a relief.
Then I felt crawling on my legs. The hair has grown back slightly and I think ok let me shave it will be better, wrong. After shaving, my legs are stinging/itching I’m about to rip my legs off. I quickly turn on the shower and get in. Ok now some relief.
Now to figure out what to put on or to not put on. I’m in the bedroom I’ve chosen to open the window to cool the room off and hopefully help make me more comfortable. Should I close or leave the door open? I find something to put on that won’t irritate my skin too much and I kept the door open. My legs are still itching a bit but I don’t know if I want to put any lotion on or anything because it may irritate me even more.
Overall I have myself situated at this point and I’m somewhat at peace. It’s quiet in the house, I’m cool and comfortable.
It’s been a normal day for me full of my personal issues.
When I first started this blog I had a difficult time trying to figure out what to title it. Now that I have so many who follow my blog, which I never expected. It as shown me how many people are thinking or dealing with the same things as me, maybe just being able to relate.
I was thinking about how when it comes to fibromyalgia, it affects everyone differently. I can’t believe how I came up with the new name, I was working on this short story that I’m hoping to get done before Christmas. Anyways I was writing about the character and I wrote the sentence, “Hello to all my wildflowers.” Later all it hit me.
WildFlowers grow wild of all different colors, shapes, styles etc… what a perfect way to describe the beautiful people who live with this illness called fibromyalgia.
For now on I will start my blog post with,
Hello my Beautiful WildFlowers.
Speaking from my own life experience, changing ones lifestyle is not easy. For myself it’s the influence of others around me, the people I live with. It doesn’t help living with depression and anxiety and my personality of not wanting to deal with confrontation and just going with the flow to keep a peaceful environment. It is difficult to say no to many things.
When you want to change your eating habits and realize that you’re not really hungry, but people who love you want to feed you all the time. They want to offer you food and you feel bad for turning them down when they went out their way to cook or buy food.
No one else in the house cares to eat differently and you find it hard to not eat what they’re eating. No one else in the house wants to exercise every day so you’re left to do it alone and can’t always motivate yourself to just get up and do it.
[ My anxiety causes me to feel that if I start to exercise at home people are going to ask me what I’m doing and bother me, look at me as if I’m crazy. ]
Then there are times were you feel so down that you give up and don’t care and all of what you were trying to accomplish goes out the window and you want all of what you love despite the fact you know you don’t need it and it may even make you feel worst than you already do.
The struggle is real and it’s not easy for everyone. It’s sad to say but I believe if you were to tell your family that you have been diagnosed with cancer, I bet everyone would be by your side in helping you live a better life.
When you have anxiety, depression and fibromyalgia, no one cares. No one wants to help you and you are told to suck it up and just do what you have to do.
I don’t know if I’m the only one who has put on extra pounds since the symptoms of fibromyalgia kicked in. Over the past years I’ve tried, done my best to keep a workout routine and I always end up finding reasons to stop, other than the pain. I get really bored and of course not having someone to workout with, but not having someone with the same energy, attitude, and of course someone that I really like.
To other people I may not look any different and I’ve never been a skinny or slim person but I see and feel the difference. It was not just the number on the scale that bothered me. Recently my knees have been bothering me to the point I sometimes feel they will give out on me. It started with my left, and sometimes it’s my right knee. The ache or pain catches me off guard and I have to catch myself as if my leg is giving out. My breathing has gotten heavier and I give out of breath easier. If that wasn’t enough. One morning I wake up and I see my stomach, I notice streach marks on my stomach! I have not had any babies so I should not have streach marks on my stomach. I knew I had gained weight but not to that point. At this point I’m telling myself the same thing I’ve always told myself, you have to do something about this. Having depression and anxiety both make it difficult to find motivation to do anything. Clothes have gotten tighter, everything is uncomfortable and I refuse to go up a size. I will get back to where I was and hopefully go down a size.
Okay I’m rambling on, I’ll get to the point of this post. I came across this video on YouTube and the guy doing the video was a little comical which caught my attention, but also the fact it seemed easy enough. I told myself I would try it.
When I woke this morning feeling like doing nothing. Throat seemed swollen and sore. I’m trying not to gag. I had my cup of coffee then endured brushing my teeth without gagging up a lung. Afterwards, I don’t know what came over me. I made the choice in my head that I was going to try this workout. So I did.
Ok everyone I had the slowest moment in history, dumbest mistake. I get started with the workout. I open the clock app on my phone and set timer for 30 seconds but I do not look at the other columns and hit the start button and I begin to walk as fast as I can back and forth. I’m thinking to myself this is the longest 30 seconds ever, it shouldn’t be taking this long. I keep going and going. Finally the alarm sounds and I look down and I see why it took so long. It was set to 15 minutes and 30 seconds. I couldn’t believe I had did this to myself. My mind could not register that I needed to stop because it was wrong. I had a second or two when I knew something wasn’t right but my mind could not figure out why. That makes me sad and I feel like I’m losing the function to comprehend but on the positive side of things, I got a nice workout. I finished up the right way. I was to do the quick workout four times but since I had added that 15 minutes to it, I figured I would say I had done enough for now.
https://youtu.be/Zsr3LDkbM0M (here’s the link to the video)
I’m dealing with allergies from the pollen and I would rather have a cold. Just when I thought I couldn’t feel worst, I’m proved wrong. Went out yesterday and right away my head started to hurt. When I got back to the house my eyes were bothering me and were red. Skin itchy, even my head was itchy. At first I forgot to change my shirt, then I washed my hair. It helped a bit but also I’ve had trouble sleeping. I know that’s nothing new but my insomnia has been worst lately and then my fatigue kicks in to over drive. I have to force myself to stop sleeping. I get up to try and get some things done.
Right now I’m not feeling great, breathing is weird and it’s just feels like a heaviness on my chest. My body feels heavy along with belching, so I’m guessing the feeling in my chest is gas.
My body is aching a lot more and abdominal pain and cramps.
I’ve been so exhausted and feeling so frustrated. I want to be mute and numb. Sometimes I’m so tired of caring and loving others, it’s overwhelming and I just want to be alone because feeling myself is too much. When you have others who don’t listen to you or don’t even hear you when you talk. It makes things difficult because I already don’t want to burden anyone with how I feel but to know they won’t listen nor understand anyways, it saddens me.
The next months ahead are going to be so hard with the changes of weather. It’s going to make everything 10x times worse.
At least now with sneezing, itchy red eyes I have something to show and prove I’m sick. I want to cry right now but I won’t. I just want to be able to stop trying to explain. I wish someone close to me would just know what’s up and even do the research themselves to the point they know all the symptoms and when I say how I feel they don’t ask me why.
Okay I’ve expressed all I can today. I love everyone who takes the time to read my blog, it means so much to me. I don’t get any money from this, I do it to just have a place to vent/express my feelings and tell my thoughts. Thanks again.