365 Days of Fibromyalgia

Posts tagged ‘pain’

Life Changer 

Today I read a message that was sent to me and it like many others I’ve received. It’s full of hope about being “cured” about making life better, having a life without pain. The funny thing is I’m not in pain right now as I’m writing this but like any other day that could change at any moment. I wanted to share the message with you all and share my response. I hope I do not offend the person who sent me the message but I dislike people who send me messages of wanting to talk to me about something that will fix me, as if I’m broken. Well they stated that it’s something that will give me my life back. The one problem with that is unlike others, this is the only life I’ve known. It hasn’t been any better or any worst. It just is what it is. Everyone with or without a chronic illness will have good and bad days, they will also want to vent or complain a bit. My life is what it is and even with chronic pain I don’t know what I would be doing differently. My pain isn’t what has stopped me, many other factors in my life have kept me from succeeding. I was on a downward spiral on an never ending roller-coaster and fibromyalgia forced me to stop and examine my life and realize I had many habits that needed to stop. My pain is a wake up call, a reminder of I’m still not the person I should be. 

If mentally I’m the same person and I spend money to buy any and everything that could make me feel better, for how long will it work? Won’t I become depended on it? What happens if I can’t get it anymore? 

I may not always be smiling and hopeful for my down days don’t last as long as they used too. Mentally I’m much stronger now than I’ve ever been. My body is forcing me to make changes but I want to be able to find a way that doesn’t have me buying some special kind of product regardless if it’s “healthy” or “natural” I have a long way to go. Financially I want to start with the basics such as the food I eat, getting enough sleep and being as active as I can. Until I’m able to get those things under control I’m not wasting money. I need free solutions for my life. I know many will argue that it’s worth it but I don’t agree. I want to just be able to buy fresh vegetables or grow my own and eat without worrying that it’s going to make me sick. I want to be able to have a drug-free life. I made it to age 33 I think I can make it many more years. (Just how I feel about my life) 

Message Sent:  “HI Melissa, How are you going? I kind of feel like that is a silly question as I just read your current blog (from the 10th). I wanted to connect as I have a large circle of people around me with Fibromyalgia and we have found something that has given them their lives back. Sounds crazy and impossible, I know! They all think the same things 😂 If you would like to connect, and learn more, please feel free to get in contact with me. I would love to skype/face time and find out more about you. Take care.”

My response: Hi, financially I can not buy anything to try in hopes it will magically make me feel better. The difference from me and others is, other people had a life they loved before fibromyalgia and have a point that they wish to get back to. Since I was young I’ve lived with anxiety and depression and the fibromyalgia came later, which I feel I maybe always had. I don’t have a life to get back. I just have the life that I live. I’m still here and still going, I don’t look at my pain as a life stopper, I feel it’s been a life changer for the better. It sucks and it is very painful at times but I don’t like being told that there is some fix all product. If there is why be so secret about it. Give me something to post and let everyone know about this wonderful thing that will give them there lives back. Thank you take care. 

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Find Your Comfort 

Always remember that Jesus himself went through pain. He had been where you are and been through more pain than you could endure, ten times over. You Your never alone in this journey. I know it’s not easy and you want to give up but you must keep going. As long as you are waken up or maybe you never went to sleep, as long as you still have breath inside you; you must keep going. Your pain is not the end, your pain is an eye opener. 


Like Paul some of us are reminded every day that we are in constant pain and some of us can find the positive outlook on it, while others see it has a curse/touture. 


Mentally you must be strong, even when your body is weak, fore when the body is weak so can it trigger negative thoughts that cause you to fall right into all the discomforts in life. 

You must Find Your Comfort in the pain. Don’t just live with it and accept it, you must continue to find the root of it all. Is your pain as is the thorn in Paul? Are you accepting it to better yourself? Or have you accepted that your life was meant to be full of pain? 

Better yourself, your life, the smallest to the largest of things that need working on. This is the time to face truths that you’ve been lying to yourself about for years. What is God trying to change about you? Or in you/your life? 

Find Your Comfort… if it’s in your pajamas, then you proudly wear them and don’t feel guilty or worry about what others think. You have to think of yourself now. You are the one enduring the pain, not them. True friends and family that truly love you, will be right by your side and won’t judge you. Anyone who looks down on you, is not for you. Keep people around that allow you to feel peace, happiness and tranquility. 

Most importantly have people around you that motivate you to be a better you. Remember that you won’t see a difference unless you try. The pain may be there always, so if you’re going to hurt anyways, you might as well do what you enjoy. At least then you have a reason to why you’re in pain. Find Your Comfort. 




Unresolved Issues 

  

I haven’t been feeling well for days maybe even a week. Which I’m never 100% well but I can have days better than most. So what I’m saying is my days lately have not been good. 

I am so irritated and frustrated about life. I want to cry but I’m holding in tears. I want to talk but I don’t know what to say, I can’t explain how I’m feeling. I am full of doubt about who what’s to even listen to me go on and on about things that may be unimportant. I what to talk about my past and how I got to this point in my life. I want to explain why I am the way I am, why I think the way I do. At times it seems so very clear as you why, then some days I have no clue. 

I woke up on this first day of March in pain. I know you may think, well that’s nothing new…right it’s not…but what I was feeling was new. Intense cramps in my stomach and I have no idea why, I just know it hurt. Not having any clue if they would let up, I was about to go into panic mode. Luckily I was able to keep a level head and relax enough that they seem to ease away. I feel like this won’t be the last of it today but at least for a moment I have some relief. 

I don’t know if I’m experiencing a flare that is building up or what. Everyday it’s been something new. One night my left leg ached and all night I had trouble sleeping because it was sore, stiff, numbing type of feeling going on with it. My leg ached all of the next day and so on. Today it seems alright but of course it does because of the other pain my feeling. 

Today my entire body aches and both legs seem stiff/tight. I feel tense and parts are sore to touch. Like my left arm is sore been that way for days now. If I was to get poked, punched or anything in my arm right now I would burst out into tears. 

If it’s not one thing it’s another. 

I had got to the point where I’ve tried to stop telling the people I love how I really feel. You know it seems to bring them down and they feel bad for not being able to help or “take my pain away.” But I have been thinking… I kind of need to talk about it and it is important. I want at least one person I love to know the “real” me. How I feel, how I think, wants, needs and dreams. I think so many have there own views about me and think they know me, but they only know of me. They know as much as they are willing to pay attention to me, hear and listen to me. Also whatever they are willing to remember of what I tell them. 

I feel so unresolved and so much I don’t have closure from. It weighs heavy on me and it has turned into stress which is causing me to be sick. I have 31 years yes my entire life even as a baby, of unresolved issues. Issues that built up over the years and never got better in adulthood. 

I know how I would love my life to be but it may never be that. I can’t seem to have it all, so I just deal with whatever. No, wait I seem to have all pain, and I take that pain everyday and deal with it. I think about all the times when people have no idea that I’m in the most pain ever and don’t want care about what they’re talking about, don’t care about any event, get together, holiday nor birthday. Don’t care about anything and they think I’m just fine because I’m there, I’m here, I’m alive, I’m existing, I laugh and wear the biggest smile. 

I could go on but I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore. 

Thank you for your time and always thank you for reading. 

My Friend Pain

Feb.23,2:29am-

My Friend Pain

Lying in bed trying to sleep,
I’m feeling pain move all through my body from head to toe.
Sharp pains in my head, even in my legs.
I’m doing my best to stay focus (I promise),  It’s not easy when you’re fighting against yourself.
It’s me against me,
I don’t want to win, just find a balance.
With jumping muscles and limbs going weak, the aching,
burning feeling,
my eyes close from being tired,
head hurting, but they quickly open back up. Mind is blank,
but full; full of all my sadness about yesterday. I isolated myself once again to spend the day and night with pain.
Pain decided to spend the night,
I don’t know if I want to sleep or cry.

Feeling Strong

Feeling Strong.

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