We are WildFlowers

Good Day

Hello WildFlowers,

I hope you all are having a good day. Good days are very few for most of us. When you do have one you have to learn not to do much, just take that good feeling and enjoy the peace of it. Live in that pain-free day and ride it out. Do not over do it.

It’s crazy how relaxed I feel right now. My mind even feels at peace. I don’t want to think about anything, afraid of ruining that feeling.

Didn’t fall asleep until around 4am, woke up around 2pm. Had a cup of coffee and I began cleaning up my bedroom, I can now see the floor from all the clothes being picked up. I can now walk freely on a flat surface.

Now at 5:30pm I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to move. I have a sore spot on my back which is the only thing bothering me today.

It’s cloudy, rainy and cold outside and I just want to Netflix until 8pm when it’s time for a basketball game I want to watch.

Today is a good day.

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A Normal Day…

Hello my WildFlowers, how are you all? 

My day has been, being uncomfortable starting early this morning, no last night. Lately I have been becoming hot more often and sweating, even cold sweats when it’s cool. The temperature has changed outside but now my body is used to it being cool inside from the air conditioner but of course it would be crazy to have it still on now. The ceiling fan seemed to not be doing much. Every room in the house seems like a different temperature. 

Today I was smelling something and could not figure out where it was coming from but it was bothering me. I think I found it and that was a relief. 

Then I felt crawling on my legs. The hair has grown back slightly and I think ok let me shave it will be better, wrong. After shaving, my legs are stinging/itching I’m about to rip my legs off. I quickly turn on the shower and get in. Ok now some relief. 

Now to figure out what to put on or to not put on. I’m in the bedroom I’ve chosen to open the window to cool the room off and hopefully help make me more comfortable. Should I close or leave the door open? I find something to put on that won’t irritate my skin too much and I kept the door open. My legs are still itching a bit but I don’t know if I want to put any lotion on or anything because it may irritate me even more. 

Overall I have myself situated at this point and I’m somewhat at peace. It’s quiet in the house, I’m cool and comfortable. 

It’s been a normal day for me full of my personal issues. 

Fibromyalgia WildFlowers 


When I first started this blog I had a difficult time trying to figure out what to title it. Now that I have so many who follow my blog, which I never expected. It as shown me how many people are thinking or dealing with the same things as me, maybe just being able to relate. 

      I was thinking about how when it comes to fibromyalgia, it affects everyone differently. I can’t believe how I came up with the new name, I was working on this short story that I’m hoping to get done before Christmas. Anyways I was writing about the character and I wrote the sentence, “Hello to all my wildflowers.” Later all it hit me. 


WildFlowers grow wild of all different colors, shapes, styles etc… what a perfect way to describe the beautiful people who live with this illness called fibromyalgia. 
For now on I will start my blog post with, 

Hello my Beautiful WildFlowers. 

Failure at Life 

It’s a little after five in the morning and I been up since yesterday, I can’t sleep. I’m crying still thinking of things said to me yesterday. 

I’m going to move on from it but it will always remain with me as a weight on my back. 

No one understands me and they all think they know me, it’s laughable. 

Here’s some things said to me yesterday by my mother, FYI she has major depression sees a therapist and psychologist and takes prescription drugs for it among other things. 

The first statement was said to me after she asked me a question but knew i was about to get started up and she wanted to stop me. This happens a lot because she can’t handle my truth and the way I see things and she doesn’t like when I remind her of my childhood. Yes she did the very best she could but she fails to realize I did my very best as well and that’s what I continue to do, my best without having a nervous breakdown and ending up being admitted into a hospital. 

“No I’m sorry I asked. Nope, I don’t want to hear what you have to say. I know whatever you’re about to say is going to be stupid.” 

These statements were said when I explained how I don’t agree with taking drugs. As if I’m going to pop a pill and it’s going to motivate me to want to live in this world. As if it’s going to make me a entirely different person. It’s going to make me look at life so much better and I’m going to be so happy and nothing will ever bother me or worry me again. 

“So when are you going to fix yourself?” 

“When are you going to get help?” 

This statement here I didn’t even understand. I guess life and living is about money. If I was working no matter how much I make, no matter how I feel, it would make people look at me as a better person. 

“It’s not that you’re unimportant, it’s that you don’t stay at a job for very long.” 

I’ve worked many jobs, longest time was eleven months. Every job I worked extremely hard, gave it my all. Mostly retail jobs but also some working with food. The most I ever got paid an hour was $9.50. Still living at home at the time I had to help pay bills. So it was impossible for me to save anything. I didn’t see how I would ever get enough money to get my own car or my own place to stay. I remember my mom told me that I wouldn’t be able to make it on my own or afford it. I only got praised when I was doing what I was told or she was in a loving, caring mood. 

Growing up life for me became more difficult every day. 

She hates when I say, “Well you wanted to have kids.” Or “I didn’t ask to be born.” 

I think it’s wrong for people to become parents and think that them doing what they think is the best they could do is good enough and after 18 years old sometimes sooner, that now it’s the child who has to figure out life from there. Being told “I didn’t have anyone to tell me how to do things or explain it to me. I had to figure it out on my own.” 

Wow, it’s just wrong. At some point the chain has to be broken. I love my mom so much but she should not have had me. I should not be here. 

I believe when I was born, both my parents were depressed and it got worst. My entire life I have been trying to fix myself. I’ve been trying to fit in. I’ve been trying to live as others do. My entire life I have not wanted to be here. 

I apologize for being a disappointment and not trying hard enough. Not being able to be someone who they can brag about. 

It’s not that I’m lazy I just can’t handle all the stress in the world. Stress of working and stress at home it is just too much for me. It’s not that I want someone to support me it’s just I’m already working overtime tending to my mind, body and soul. The sad part is I believe I’m failing at that as well. 

Do you have family or friends close to you that are dealing with some kind of illness different or the same as yours and they have a hard time treating you in the way they would want to be treated. They may compare things in a way as if saying you’re not going through as much as them or how they are dealing with the same thing but it’s so different. 

They are not able to find the words for you that you need to hear. Sometimes they even end up making you feel worse. 

When you go to someone to open up about your feelings and that person looks at you and only sees them self and turns it around to talk about themselves. 

Some people feel if they have had to suffer and figure out on their own then you should do the same. They might say, “I didn’t have any help.” 

Myself, I try my best to uplift someone who comes to me. They felt comfortable enough or maybe I was the only person for them to talk to and even if I can relate, I listen and I remind them of positive things despite how I feel. Helping someone else makes me feel better as a person. Makes me feel I am living in purpose. 

When they are only looking at themselves, I’m looking through seeing much more. 

What do you see? 

Don’t be selfish, help motivate someone and encourage them. People who you love remind them why they are needed, why you love them. If they are lost help try to figure out what direction they need to go. All you have to do is listen and pay attention. 

God has kept me here for a reason. I just want others to see what I see. 

Bless whom is reading this. 

The Struggle of Change 

Speaking from my own life experience, changing ones lifestyle is not easy. For myself it’s the influence of others around me, the people I live with. It doesn’t help living with depression and anxiety and my personality of not wanting to deal with confrontation and just going with the flow to keep a peaceful environment. It is difficult to say no to many things. 

When you want to change your eating habits and realize that you’re not really hungry, but people who love you want to feed you all the time. They want to offer you food and you feel bad for turning them down when they went out their way to cook or buy food. 

No one else in the house cares to eat differently and you find it hard to not eat what they’re eating. No one else in the house wants to exercise every day so you’re left to do it alone and can’t always motivate yourself to just get up and do it. 

[ My anxiety causes me to feel that if I start to exercise at home people are going to ask me what I’m doing and bother me, look at me as if I’m crazy. ]

Then there are times were you feel so down that you give up and don’t care and all of what you were trying to accomplish goes out the window and you want all of what you love despite the fact you know you don’t need it and it may even make you feel worst than you already do. 

The struggle is real and it’s not easy for everyone. It’s sad to say but I believe if you were to tell your family that you have been diagnosed with cancer, I bet everyone would be by your side in helping you live a better life. 

When you have anxiety, depression and fibromyalgia, no one cares. No one wants to help you and you are told to suck it up and just do what you have to do. 


So many people become sick and once they have been diagnosed, they feel as if they are on the right path of knowing what is wrong. Some think that it’s the last stage of knowing, like ok this is it, but that is farthest from the truth. Now you have to find the root, meaning why did you get what you were diagnosed with? 

I feel that most doctors are quick to throw prescription drugs at people and give them false hope of living a “normal” life. Even if doctors request you change your diet and exercise they still recommend taking a prescription, which leads to taking more things or for some, side effects. I get that we need help and prescription drugs are said to be “safe” if taking the right dosage but I have some issues with taking drugs. 

1.) Not being able to just stop the drug, you have to be taken off of it slowly, this is what is told. That if you just quit taking it, that could cause serious side effects. 

2.) side effects, which no one needs. At times you are given another drug for the side effects. 

3.) dependence, becoming depended on whatever drug and feeling sick if you don’t have it. 

4.) What if it stops working. Then you have to be put on something new in hopes it will work as good. 

5.) Solution, feels like a never ending cycle. 

The point I’m trying to make is, shouldn’t you be able to live a drug-free life. Why is it that the right solution is always taking some kind of drug. I know it is a debatable issue and I am not knocking that drugs help some people. 

My opinion is mostly based on watching someone close to me go through the stages of finding what works. My entirely life I’ve watched my mom go through the struggles of major depression and her having the prescribed drugs from her doctor that she used to overdose on attempting to commit suicide. I won’t get into how damaging that was for me to watch and thinking I would lose my mom forever. Years later, her still going to a therapist and psychologist and it’s still the same. The scary part about it all is that without the drugs she gives up, without the drugs it’s like an addict going cold-turkey. She doesn’t want to have to take all the medicine but she truly believes if she stops, that is it, she won’t be able to make it. Even with the drugs she still has very down days and worries, still has suicidal thoughts but maybe not as much. 

Everyone is different and I understand that people cope in ways that they can to be able to function and make it day to day. 

The sad truth is that we can’t even depend on being truly healthy by eating fruits and vegetables. Our food being sprayed with chemicals and so forth. We can’t trust anything theses days, even our drinking water. No matter what we do we are programmed to be damaged. 

We have products being made to be a solution to all that. Stating that they are natural and that is what we gravitate towards and we invest all our money into it and there are many testimonies about how they all work and help fix problems. Still I see it as being depended on something. 

People have to work towards being able to live there life without the help of something extra. 

Think about the steps of how a garden grows. The dirt, the seeds, and you allow nature to take it course with sunlight and rain. You don’t have to do anything special but tend to it. It will grow without any chemicals, so shouldn’t your body be able to do the same? 

Everyone isn’t able to grow there on fruits and vegetables but knowing that maybe at a farmers market you can trust they don’t use any chemicals to grow. If you eat fresh fruits and vegetables, get you some sunshine and drink clean water, shouldn’t it be that easy? Why isn’t it? 

What is the root of the problem? 

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